March 23, 2005

That's It, I'm Suing

I woke up this morning and ambled into the bathroom, where I spied the paper cup I had placed on the toilet tank the night before to remind me to take my pregnancy test. If you recall, I went out and bought one of those early-early preg tests, and calculated according to the directions on the box that today was pee time. The box said you could test up to five days before you expect your next period.

So I peed in the cup, getting it all over my hand, as usual. I know that men design those stupid pee sticks, which is why I pee in a cup, even though it's still a mess. If a woman designed a pee stick, it would be the size of a ping-pong paddle and would be about five times as absorbent as the ones out there now. But I digress...

There I am, standing in the bathroom with a cup of pee. I open up the pregnancy test box and glance at the instructions, to find that the directions inside the box say that you have to test FOUR days before you expect your period, which makes it tomorrow. Sonsabitches. I should sue them for false advertising or something.

And the bottom line is that I still don't know. I may not even test tomorrow and just wait until Friday. There's something better about being able to say, "I don't know if I'm pregnant," than having to say, "Nope, not pregnant."