Hot and Bothered

Does anyone else reading go to saunas? And if so, do you tend to have really weird experiences in them, or is it just me?

We joined a gym that has both a men's and a women's sauna. Matt says nothing particularly odd ever occurs in the men's. Pretty much every time that I'm not in the sauna by myself, things that I find peculiar happen.

For example, early on I was sitting in the sauna, minding my own business. There was one other woman in there, and everything seemed fine. Then another woman came in and sat down on the bench above me. And she whipped out a bag of granola and an apple and had herself a little snack. In the sauna. With sweaty, partially dressed strangers in there. In fact, she actually dropped an oat or something on my shoulder at one point.

More recently, I went into the sauna and saw a couple of towels sitting on the bench. They weren't in my way, so I sat close to the brazier and started to heat up. Five minutes into the experience, a stark-ass naked older woman (50's? 60's?) walked in with a stack of wet t-shirts. She then hung them on the side of the brazier away from me, but seemed kind of huffy when I didn't move my legs into an awkward angle so that she could hang up her final piece of laundry. She sat in there for a few minutes on the towels (hers? or not?), maybe to make sure that I had no designs on her garments, and then walked out. Judging by the sounds, she headed for the showers and proceeded to cough, hack, and yark up lung butter into the floor of the shower for the next fifteen minutes. Then she came back, gathered up her t-shirts, and I later saw her naked ass just sitting there in the women's locker room.

The whole thing is starting to freak me out.

The Return of the Errant Blogger

Life is short. The days are short. And due to stupid freaking Daylight Savings Time, this one has been a whole hour shorter than the one before. Anyone else out there think that it is an idea whose time has come and gone? God, I hate it. I'll hate it even worse when I have to wake up at what two days before had been 5:00 in the morning to go to work.

In other news, Matt and I held an open house yesterday. We are now officially awash in red wine, as most of the people who showed up brought us a bottle. I started joking that now that we had all the vino, we could hold the *real* house-warming and really get down and funky. It was a really good day and tons of people showed up. We got lots of good reviews on the house, and it was nice to see many of my friends from when I lived in Boise six years ago. Those who didn't show up will never be invited to my home again. (Kidding...)

Finally, I've decided my daily schedule is officially wackadoo. The weekends aren't bad, but I don't think I'm getting as much done as I'd like to be. Granted, an hour and a half spent commuting to Emmett several days a week is taking a big chunk out of the day, but I'm also trying to juggle working out, applying for jobs, taking my online class (and I'm still sucking the big one there), and having enough down time to stay sane. I'm afraid I may have to start prioritizing--a position I've never been in before. I suppose finding a regular job should be Priority #1, no? There may be light at the end of that tunnel, as I found out last week that I'm on at least two "short-lists" for positions that I've applied for lately. Fingers crossed, y'all.

Computer Virus, Of a Different Sort

I have been doing so much computer work lately, and I think it's becoming very unconducive (is that a word?) to all my other, recreational computer activities. I'm checking approximately 8500 lines of data in a geospatial program and making sure it all conforms perfectly in order to run a computerized model. Sounds tedious, doesn't it? It is.

So at the end of the day, it's all I can take to get on the computer at home and do personal stuff. I'm three, count them: three classes behind on my Dreamweaver MX course. It didn't help that I encountered a major error while trying to do my coursework and ended up having to reinstall the program. And then there are all of Blogger's problems.

It's enough to make a girl take up knitting.

Damn...

I talked to my doctor's office this morning and they said the test was negative, but that if I didn't start my period in another 10 days, we'd retest. Fifteen minutes after I got off the phone with them I started my period.

Life's a bitch sometimes.

The good news is that there's always next month (and the month after that, and the one after that, etc.).

Thanks for the support!

Home Office

I mentioned I've been working on a special project for one of my employer's branch offices. The paycheck is nice, but what's bonus-cool is that I brought a lap-top home from work today with the software loaded on it that I need to do the project. Now I can work from home! In fact, I put an hour and a half into the project this evening.

Maybe it's the novelty of it, but I feel like I was a little more productive tonight. I made better head-way. Is it possible that there are less distractions at my home than there are at the office?

So tomorrow I'll be making the phone call to my doctor's office from the comfort of my own living room. I went and had blood drawn for a pregnancy test today and I'm supposed to call in the morning to get the results. It's hard not to get all wound up about it. We've known we were "subfertile" for about a year and a half now, and what with all the help from the doctors, we think we're closer to conception than we've ever been. And all that time, I've pretty much put a clamp on any optimism that reared its sunny little head.

So I guess if I don't have good news to share tomorrow, you'll all have to be extra nice to me, okay?

Please Bear With Me

Due to the recent problems with Blogger, I've decided to move the site to Movable Type. I hope you'll all bear with me through the move. This page will take longer to load on average (for the short-term), because I had to change some settings preparatory to the big shift.

I'm running into technical difficulties--I evidently cannot operate a computer without serious issues--so I'm going to take Mel up on her generous offer to help me transfer the site.

I am so frustrated with computers right now.

Oh. Yeah. I still haven't seen Aunt Flo, and this should be the first day of my new cycle. Feeling cautiously optimistic, which should not be mistaken for hope. We Norwegians fear hope.

Looks Like I'll Be Doing it the Old Fashioned Way

Well, I tried to take a pregnancy test today. In fact, I took TWO of them. I followed the directions to the letter. When the test is working, you see one line. As long as the test works, you're guaranteed to see that line. It could mean you're not pregnant, or you could get another line and that means you are.

I got no lines on the first test. That means you either didn't do it right or you got a bad test. So I reveiwed the directions and tested again. Still nothing.

At this point, the good old fashioned method should make things evident on Sunday or Monday. If Aunt Flo hasn't shown up by Monday, I'll go in for a blood test. In the meantime, we're all waiting, aren't we?

1-2-3, Not It!

Sherri tagged me with this quiz/survey thingamabob, so here's some stuff you probably didn't know about me.

1. What book would I like to be? I'm ASS-uming that the "I" in that statement means me. I'm going to go with "The Never-Ending Story." I wouldn't want to pick something that I knew the ending to. Plus, I'd love to swoop down on my cool, hairy, flying dragon and scare the crap out of people like Sebastian did.

2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character? This is going to sound funny, but the character Ahab in the book "Ahab's Wife" by Sena Jeter Naslund is pretty tremendous. I've never made it through "Moby Dick," so I'm not sure if I'd still like the original version of the character.

3. What is the last book I bought? "My Sister's Keeper," by Jodi Picoult. Ohmygod, it was wonderful.

4. What is the last book I read? The last book I finished was "Reading Lolita in Tehran," which I found tedious.

5. What book am I currently reading? "The Piano Tuner," and I can't remember the author's name. It's very good.

6. What five books would I take with me if I was stranded on a desert island?
Wilderness A-Z (can't remember the author again);
Back to Basics (My parents had an earlier version of this book and it was so cool.);
To Kill a Mockingbird, because it is my favorite book of all time;
Moby Dick (because I never finished it and even if I didn't like it, it is big enough to come in handy killing tarantulas or something);
A journal to write in.

7. What three poor idiots am I tagging with this FUN FUN FUN?
Louisiana Casey
Chris, who hopefully hasn't done this yet
Malia

As My Paw Used to Say...

"...Now that we've established what you are, let's discuss the price."

Trump Courts Beleaguered Jacko


LOS ANGELES: US mogul Donald Trump could come to the rescue of beleaguered pop singer Michael Jackson by offering the accused and cash-strapped star his own Las Vegas show, US Weekly magazine said today.


The magazine said Trump's organisation had spoken to the singer, who is on trial for child molestation, about giving him a permanent show at the billionaire's new Las Vegas resort that opens in 2006.

Trump's office, however, declined to comment on the report and a source at the hotel, who declined to be identified, dismissed the report. "That's just a rumour, it's not true," the employee told AFP.


Us quoted New Frontier Hotel and Casino boss Jack Wishna – who along with his billionaire partner Phil Ruffin has teamed up with Trump to develop the new Trump hotel – as saying he had spoken to Jackson's representatives about the proposed gig.


"There'd be moral clauses in the contract," Us quoted Wishna as saying of the faded King of Pop who could face up to 20 years in jail if convicted of sexually abusing a 13-year-old cancer patient in early 2003.

On a related note, I can't even tell you how many Michael Jackson songs I hear each day on my way to work (currently 45 minutes each way while I'm helping another office out with a project) on Sirius satellite radio. He's got to be making a few bucks from that, but I hear legal help don't come cheap.

That's It, I'm Suing

I woke up this morning and ambled into the bathroom, where I spied the paper cup I had placed on the toilet tank the night before to remind me to take my pregnancy test. If you recall, I went out and bought one of those early-early preg tests, and calculated according to the directions on the box that today was pee time. The box said you could test up to five days before you expect your next period.

So I peed in the cup, getting it all over my hand, as usual. I know that men design those stupid pee sticks, which is why I pee in a cup, even though it's still a mess. If a woman designed a pee stick, it would be the size of a ping-pong paddle and would be about five times as absorbent as the ones out there now. But I digress...

There I am, standing in the bathroom with a cup of pee. I open up the pregnancy test box and glance at the instructions, to find that the directions inside the box say that you have to test FOUR days before you expect your period, which makes it tomorrow. Sonsabitches. I should sue them for false advertising or something.

And the bottom line is that I still don't know. I may not even test tomorrow and just wait until Friday. There's something better about being able to say, "I don't know if I'm pregnant," than having to say, "Nope, not pregnant."

Dear Blogger:

Please tell Rosie O'Donnell to pony up the cash for some extra bandwidth, since she seems to be screwing up all us BlogSpot users. I can't get certain sections of my page to load right, and rumor has it that a certain celebrity's site is getting enough hits that other peoples' pages are going wonky from the strain on the system.

Sincerely,
All I'm Saying

And to you readers, so help me--if you click on that link to her blog, you're only going to compound the problem. Don't you do it!

My Imagination May be Gone, But I Still Have my Baby Pictures

I'm kind of at a loss for anything in particular to discuss tonight. Not that there aren't things going on in the world, but I'm not sure anyone is out cruising the net to see what my opinion on the Terri Schiavo case is.

So, in lieu of enlightened commentary on anything, here's a picture of me when I was about two. The kid next to me (sans pigtails) is Dru, who was a neighbor kid. We spent our first two years and roughly the next sixteen years after that hearing about how cute it would be if we got married. Well. That didn't happen, now did it? Thank God...

I'm the one with the pigtails... 

Sluggish Minion of Satan Survives Pet Store Fire

Pet Store Owner: Satan's Image on Turtle Shell

MICHIGANTOWN, Indiana (AP) -- A turtle that was the only survivor of a pet shop fire may have emerged with a hellish memento.

The palm-sized red-eared slider turtle, named Lucky, was the only animal to survive a fire last October at Dora's A-Dora-ble Pet Shop in nearby Frankfort, about 40 miles northwest of Indianapolis.

Owner Bryan Dora now says he sees an image of Satan's face on the critter's shell. He can spot lips, eyes, a goatee, shoulders and a pair of pointy horns on Lucky's back.

"The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there," Bryan Dora said. "To me, it's too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it."

The image was not visible before the fire and Dora speculates the intense heat might have caused the shell's color to change. The turtle is healthy and there was no change in its behavior, he said.

The cause of fire that destroyed nine businesses or offices in the 1912 building in downtown Frankfort has not been determined.

"Turtles can hold their breath quite awhile," Dora said. "He may have taken one breath just before and held it through the fire. Except that the fire went on and on for hours."

(I'm so glad to know there was no change in the devil's turtle's behavior. Or is its particular brand of evil simply a little slower to manifest than might be expected of, say, a rabbit with the image of Satan on its fur?)

Wow

I mentioned the FreeCycle website/Yahoo group a while back. It's a national (or even international, for all I know) web ring of communities, and people post messages to get rid of usable stuff they have that they simply don't want anymore. For example, you might have a junky desk and you buy a replacement. Rather than selling it in the classifieds or something, you can list it on FreeCycle and someone will e-mail you and let you know they'd like to have it. As the name implies, the items all have to be free.

We've been wanting to get all our moving boxes cleared out of the garage, and rather than put them out with the regular recycling, I listed them on FreeCycle this afternoon. I literally had a taker for them within 10 minutes, and they're coming to pick up the boxes tonight! How cool is that?

Anyway, if you haven't checked the site out, I really recommend it. You could score something really cool, or you can get rid of stuff that you just don't need anymore.

Welcome to Mucusville, Population: Me

Godalmighty, I'm sick. I haven't worked since last Tuesday, and thinking about going to work tomorrow just makes me think, "Oh, they're going to love having me around."

It started with a sore throat, which took two days to turn into the standard head congestion and nose-blowing phase. It has since transformed itself into an unproductive, hacking cough. It's just greeeeeeat.

I talked to my doctor's office, and until we know for sure whether I'm pregnant or not, he really doesn't want me taking anything but Tylenol. And I've been sticking to that, with the exception of last night. I took one third of a dose of cough syrup. And if I am pregnant and have a baby with a third arm growing out of her forehead, I'll only have myself to blame.

We went to a drug store last night and I picked up an early pregnancy test thingy, but even at it's outside limit, I won't be able to test until Tuesday at the soonest. By Tuesday I'm really hoping that I'm feeling worlds better.

Matt's Fam-Damily

Irish Catholic Family... Yeah, What was Your First Clue? 

So this is just Matt's side of the family. (That's me in white, in case there was any doubt.) After the ceremony, the wedding photographer said something about, "I just want the family of the bride and of the groom to stay for a few pictures." About ten people went outside. The photographer repeated himself, this time more aggressively. I looked around at the thirty or so people still in the chapel and said, "This is just the family."

I Tried to Update Yesterday...Really!

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. I remembered that the new printer Matt bought is also a scanner, so I decided to break it in by scanning and posting some wedding photos. Sadly, I seemed to jam up the whole works by trying to upload photos that were too large or something. However, Kalisah was saying something the other day about Rosie O'Donnell having a BlogSpot blog (way to do it on the cheap, Rosie), and her traffic jamming up all the circuits. So I'll blame the celebrity.

Anyway, I'm going to try again later to rescan the photos at a lower resolution and post them. I'm not ignoring anyone, really!

Update to the Update Sonofabitch, I should have previewed the page. It looks like one photo did actually make it through. To answer Kalisah's question, and this is going to be roundabout, I wasn't preparing to sprint down the aisle or anything. See, Matt and I are exactly the same height when standing barefoot, and I wasn't sure it was a good idea for me to wear heels and tower over him. I hate, loathe and despise flats. And really, where on God's green earth was I going to wear a pair of white dress shoes again anyway? Finally, I wasn't about to schlep all over Las Vegas in a pair of uncomfortable shoes, so I just said, "Fuck it," and wore tennis shoes. They had blue trim, and that also fulfilled my "something blue" requirement. And now you know.

Bridal Footwear by New Balance 

Now I'm Stumping

I'm sure most of you reading this have had someone close to you who was diagnosed with some form of cancer. Maybe it was a family member, a close friend, or even yourself. Nearly two years ago, I lost one of my closest friends. The anniversary of his death is coming up and needless to say, I think of him every day. I think how far cancer research has come and how many lives are saved annually, but I wish so much that there had been a cure in place to save Mike.

To that end, I'm asking those of you who have been touched and want to see an end to this disease to go to my friend Carla's fundraising page, where she is gathering funds and participating in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life event. I'm not asking you to do anything major--a couple of bucks would be great. You can even add your name or that of a loved one to Carla's Roll of Honor, which is a nice tribute and a little way of shaking your fist at this disease.

And if you're still in a charitable mood, go visit my friend Tea's Muscular Dystrophy Association "lock-up" webpage. Every little bit helps.

(By the way, I'm so proud of my activist friends. I really appreciate people who do something about issues they believe in.)