Fish & Game is holding the annual chinook salmon sportfishing season on the South Fork of the Salmon River this year. Matt is the lead conservation officer for the season, which means I see him in the daylight approximately 2 hours every week. Someone is crawling into my bed during the night, stays for a while, then leaves again before I get up. I really hope it's Matt, but I haven't actually had a sighting to verify the identity of the teepee-creeper.
I'd see him more often if I could stomach salmon fishing at all. But it's friggin complicated! First of all, you have to be able to tie an adequate fishing knot. I can't do that and I'm evidently not capable of learning. This is what it's like for me to salmon fish:
Fifteen minutes to tie a knot on my line so as to connect all the "salmon rigging," which includes a sinker, swivel, corkie, hook, and a sack of salmon roe.
Three seconds to aim the rod and let my bait and hook fly.
Two minutes of concentrated yanking on the rod because the rigging is stuck on a rock (or a log, or a dead fish, or in a tree across the river).
Five minutes to walk downstream to the obstacle and yank for a while longer.
Three to six minutes of cursing because my lame-ass fishing knot gave way and all my rigging is gone.
Repeat process.
I'm not patient enough to salmon fish. Hence, I will just have to hope that the man in my bed is someone with whom I have exchanged wedding vows.