Hot Deals on Cool Wheels

I wish I had a dollar for every person who's asked me why I have a friggin' Mercedes parked in my yard. I wouldn't have enough money to buy my younger brother's piece of crap car, but I'd probably be able to buy it a tune-up.

The odd thing is that he had it listed in the Boise newspaper for 2 weeks and didn't get a single phone call. He's had it parked at Cascade European Car Sales (aka, my yard) for 36 hours and someone wants to look at it.

I think the tall dandelions really set it off to a good advantage.

Hrm...

Maybe you've already heard about it, but the latest scuttle-butt to hit both the blog world and Hollywood (okay, perhaps the only scuttle-butt that has ever tied those two things together) is "Rance", a guy who may or may not be a famous Hollywood actor.

Hollywood is abuzz with speculation. Could he be Owen Wilson? Jim Carrey? Ben Affleck? As far as I am concerned, nothing matters but the fact that this bastard is getting like 200 comments per post. Me? I get a couple. Have I forgotten to mention that I'm actually Catherine Zeta-Jones?

Phew

Don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't burn something in a crock pot. That would be a lie.

*opens windows, fans smell of burnt meat outside*

'Allo?

No one is reading blogs on Memorial Day weekend, right?

Did You Know?

I just finished reading an article in the latest issue of National Geographic Adventure. It told of the struggle of 38 Jews living in the Ukraine during the Holocaust. Their area was declared "juden-frei," or free of Jews, by the Nazis. They escaped by hiding themselves in what is probably the world's 10th largest cave called the Priest's Grotto. They stayed underground for 344 days straight, with only a few of them leaving occasionally at night to forage for supplies.

Pick up this issue and read it if you get a chance. It's a fascinating story of how one extended family survived a horrible experience. For more information, you can read an interview with one of the cavers who returned to the site, Chris Nicola, at the National Geographic Adventure website.

I Shoulda Drowned Him

We had lunch with my little brother today. He's four years younger than I am and from an entirely different planet. He and I generally avoid each other, but I needed to collect some money from him because we're going in together on a Father's Day present for my dad. He asked if we wanted to meet him for lunch (we went to Boise today) and we set up a meeting for noon at Saigon Grille, a Vietnamese restaraunt.

I should explain early on that I have very low expecations from "Junior." He quit a well-paying job to go back to college to specialize in criminal justice. That would be fine, but as he said at lunch today, he "refuses to be a bottom feeder--you know, the guys who write the tickets?" He wants to go straight to being a detective. This offended my ticket-writing, game warden husband. Matt generously didn't say anything.

Anyway, Junior showed up 20 minutes late to lunch. We'd given up on him and had already started eating by the time he strolled in the door. Long story shorter, I collected the $23 from him, but it looks like he's going to park his car in my front yard for a week or two as he tries to sell it. I could have said no, but I didn't because it seems like it's just easier to let Junior have his way so that it keeps the peace. Life was so much easier when I could just bitch slap him. Why'd he have to end up four inches taller than me?

What's In a Name?

Casey is the #461 most common female name in the United States. Since I was going to be named Casey whether I was born a girl or a boy, I feel like it's okay for me to tell you that it is the #268 most common name for males.

How common is your name? Via Solonor's Inkwell.

Good News Day

I got two pieces of really good news in the last 24 hours. First, my older brother is getting married. He was married once before, divorced, and swore he'd never get married again. But he met Janet, they started dating, she moved in. My family just adores her and I've been so worried that she'd wait as long as she could for him to propose, and then she'd just take a walk when he didn't. But apparently she proposed to him, he said yes, and I'm adding a new sister-in-law and three nieces to my extended family. Hooray!

Secondly, my friend Inga and her husband Mo had a baby boy on the 18th. This is their first child, and I know they're going to make terrific parents.

*grin*

Just a Matter of Time

We went to our local grocery store tonight to get some provisions. Usually we avoid it. You inevitably have to dust any boxed or canned food you buy, the produce is rank at best, but the butcher shop and frozen foods are generally reliable. So I bought us each a nice t-bone and as Matt was unwrapping mine he said, "Smells kind of funny." I am not a person who smells something that is purported to smell bad. Seems masochistic, somehow.

So we grilled and I ate my steak. The last bite tasted funny. No, I didn't spit it out. Why do I have a feeling that I'm going to be awake at 2:00 in the morning, sitting on the toilet with a pot in my lap for the barf?

I'm not smart about food sometimes. Yes, I do believe milk is bad on the expiration date and I pour it down the drain. I also don't eat leftovers that are more than a couple of days old. However, I did once finish a leftover seafood burrito that I'd left in my car overnight. In August. I woke up in the middle of the night, sicker than I'd ever been. And I couldn't move my legs. They just didn't work. I dragged myself by the arms to the bathroom, took care of business, then crawled back when it was over. I woke up the next morning and my legs worked.

You'd think I'd have learned after all that, wouldn't you?

I'd Be Plastered

I've mentioned before that Matt and I are big fans of the new HBO series, "Deadwood." It's become a running joke for us to say, "What do you think will happen in the next episode?" The other of us will say, "Someone will get shot, someone will get stabbed, and someone will get called a 'cocksucker'."

Inspired by Erica's Sunday Night Sex Show game (now known as "Talk Sex With Sue Johanneson"), I'm working up my own drinking game for Sunday nights. The sad thing is that I'm usually walking on my lips by the second glass of wine/beer/shot, so I'd be passed out before the credits were actually over.

Here's what I've got so far:
Someone gets fed to Wu's pigs, everyone drinks.
The word "hoople-head" is used, everyone drinks twice.
Someone gets called a "cocksucker," everyone drinks.
The whores all get checked for pox, everyone drinks twice.
A town meeting is held in the Gem saloon, everyone drinks.
E.B. Farnham toadies up to Swearingen, everyone drinks.
Gratiuitous showing of nipples, everyone drinks.

That's where I'm at so far. Any other Deadwood fans out there have any suggestions?

RUDE!

I've been watching a shirt on E-bay for days now. It's a Lowe Alpine wicking long-sleeve t-shirt, which is my favorite kind of shirt right now. Brand new, my size, and there were actually two of them up for auction. The auction closed today, I put my bid in before I left for work, then rushed home this afternoon to check the results. I was outbid. This has happened before, and I have come to accept it. However, the same person who outbid me bought the other shirt as well! She couldn't let me have one?!

E-Bay user christinemurray, I hope you rot in hell!

And Now for Grover

The First Mate Thinks He's a Good Buoy 

I promise I will not run on about the dogs simply because I can now put their photos up. This is not a dog blog. But here's a picture of my little angel puppy. Ain't he the sweetest thing? While his hooligan older brother was trying to steer, Grove just cuddled up on a few life preservers and had a little snooze. Say it with me, "Awww!"

Skipper Cody Takes the Boat for a Spin 

Huzzah, another picture! This is Matt and Cody when we were on Lake Cascade a week or so ago. We were trucking along, trying to get back to the boat ramp, and Cody decided it was time to assist in the navigational duties. He clambered up onto Matt's lap, and Matt being pretty darned tolerant, let him get away with it. As I was reaching into the back of the boat to get the digital camera, we suddenly ran out of gas and I was very nearly launched over the gunnel. As you can see, all is well that ends well and the moment was captured for posterity.

Atkins Unfriendly

You won't catch anyone in our house eating a low-carb diet. We like our carbs here at Rancho O'Connell. We like bread, we like ice cream, we like Krispy Kreme. What we don't like is being lazy and not getting any exercise.

I had a long discussion about this with a local business owner the other day. He used to be an executive chef and now he and his wife run a deli/produce store. The place he used to work was an extremely swank golfing resort and he said the waiters would come into the kitchen often saying that someone asked for "Low Carb Options." Tom would tell them, "Your option is to get off your ass and walk the golf course rather than taking a cart. Then you can come back here and eat anything you want!"

Pass the potatoes.

Are You Suggesting Coconuts Migrate?

Son of a Silly Person 

John Cleese has a website and plans to write a blog! Sure, he may charge for it, but I'll pay. I'll pay...with a herring! As the home page will tell you, everything is under construction right now. It's hard to tell for sure (I don't think you can every really know if John Cleese is pulling your leg or not), but it sounds like he'll have little movies and maybe even greeting cards available.

Eternal gratitude goes to Mrs. Kennedy for pointing this out for me.

Da Boyz

Grover and Cody 

Now that I've got this swanky new way to add photos (someone please tell me if you can't see them), I figured I'd better start introducing you around to some of the major players in my life. This is a shot of Grover and Cody, our two English Springer Spaniels, taken in our backyard last spring. Grover had put on a few pounds since this was taken, but you get the idea.

Mushroom, Mushroom, Mushroom

My Friend, the Morel 

Everyone bear with me while I'm working on this PhotoBlogging business. Blogger has started this new service and I'm a real yutz when it comes to figuring how stuff like this works.

Anyway, this is a morel mushroom. They are like crack to me. Put a little breading on one of these babies and fry it up with some butter and garlic and I'm a slave for life. We gather a few morels here and there every spring. However, there was a large-ish forest fire in our area last year, and now the entire fire area is carpeted in morels. It's madness. Matt and I picked for 2 hours last night and came home with seven pounds of them. I ordered a dehydrator off of e-Bay this morning and it better get here soon. Morel milkshake, anyone?

Local TV

Thanks to DISH Network finally getting all their shit into one sock, we now have a "Super Dish," which receives local network stations from Boise. This is the first time we have had local tv in our home for...two years. I wish Matt had left his digital camera here, because at one point I looked out the window at the repairman and saw one of the worst cases of plumber's butt ever. I thought, "I could totally blog that." C'est la vie.

Anyway, part of the thrill is being able to watch local news. So I'm sitting on the couch watching this news story about a nine-foot long sturgeon getting poached out of the Snake River, and they interview a fisherman. (I'm thinking I should probably leave his name out of this. And I'm paraphrasing because I couldn't begin to remember his exact quote.) This guy says in the interview, "The really bad thing about all of this is that that fish is gone now. No one can ever catch it again!"

Sounds like a real concerned sportsman, right? Wrong. My darling husband caught him poaching salmon last year and issued him several tickets. Seems to me like the fish he poached aren't going to be available for anyone to catch again, either. Jerkoff.

Quelle Grody!

(Mel, don't look.)

Mystery Illness/Parasite Said To Be Afflicting Idahoans Getting Attention

Around the country, 729 people -- and just under a dozen in Idaho -- believe they are infected with a mystery illness many are calling a parasite while some clinical researchers believe it is linked to bacteria. "Actually there are ten patients in Idaho and I know three of them fairly well. I have spoken with them on the phone and I believe all ten of them. Because what they report to me is very consistent with what we have seen,” says Mary Leitao, a Pittsburgh-based medical researcher.

Leitao is a biologist by training and an investigator of this unknown medical condition by necessity. She began clinically studying it when her three-year-old son showed her an unknown organism coming out his lip and on his heels. When she first spoke with dozens of other people who claimed to suffer from the same type of unusual skin lesions, they said, "The physicians will not acknowledge this. They are telling us we are all delusional and we have what is known as delusional parasitosis."

I'm afraid I would have to scratch my skin right off my body. That's right, Virginia. There are cooties.

And One More Thing!

I'm taking money out of the joint account so I can go get a massage. Ha! Take that! Yep, a massage from my cute massage chick. That'll make me feel better.