So you guys know the Terror Alert Banana over in the left column, yes? Just in case you were unaware, this is from whence he spawned.
I defy you to get that song out of your head.
March 28, 2004
March 27, 2004
Cheese Head
I married a man from Wisconsin. I have found out, over the course of our relationship, that this means several things.
One: You can never have too much Green Bay Packer memorabilia.
Two: Yes, the dog does need his own cheese wedge hat. It's for the games.
Three: Cheese is very, very important.
We were in the grocery store today. He said, "Oh, we're almost out of cheese," and grabbed a two pound brick of medium cheddar. I was just in the kitchen, getting things together for dinner tonight, and a half-pound of cheese fell out of the fridge. "This is 'almost out of cheese'?" I said. "That's hardly anything," he replied.
These Wisconsinites. They think anything less than half a pound of cheese in the fridge means a National Cheese Emergency, and that the National Guard needs to start milking mass numbers of Jerseys and that every good American must fire up their cheese presses...
One: You can never have too much Green Bay Packer memorabilia.
Two: Yes, the dog does need his own cheese wedge hat. It's for the games.
Three: Cheese is very, very important.
We were in the grocery store today. He said, "Oh, we're almost out of cheese," and grabbed a two pound brick of medium cheddar. I was just in the kitchen, getting things together for dinner tonight, and a half-pound of cheese fell out of the fridge. "This is 'almost out of cheese'?" I said. "That's hardly anything," he replied.
These Wisconsinites. They think anything less than half a pound of cheese in the fridge means a National Cheese Emergency, and that the National Guard needs to start milking mass numbers of Jerseys and that every good American must fire up their cheese presses...
Nature is a Mother
We woke up to three new inches of snow today. While I know it will all be melted by Monday, it still seems like a dirty trick.
To Our Dogs, Cody & Grover
(My sister, Laron, sent this to me. It's part of a larger e-mail, but I edited it down to my favorite parts.)
MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG
Dear Dog,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run .
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years, Canine attendance is not mandatory.)
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG
Dear Dog,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run .
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years, Canine attendance is not mandatory.)
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
March 26, 2004
Praise Jesus and Be Saved-ah!
Buddy, I think you're still going to hell:
LOS ANGELES
A Texas man who got away with murder was moved to confess his crime after seeing Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ."
Dan Leach II, a 21-year-old man from the Houston area, killed his girlfriend Ashley Nicole Wilson, 19, in January and then covered it up to make it look like a suicide, reports the Houston Chronicle. Police investigators say evidence proved that she had hanged herself, despite her parents' belief to the contrary.
Wilson's mother, Renee Wilson Coulter, found her daughter's body on Jan. 19. The body was fully clothed with a pillowcase over her head. A cord was wrapped around her neck and tied to the headboard.
"We found a letter that could be interpreted as a suicide note," says sheriff's Detective Mike Kubricht. "It didn't actually say that she was going to kill herself, but it did state that she was extremely depressed because she was pregnant and the person she was pregnant by was not going to be there for her to raise the child."
Over a month after Wilson's death, Leach watched "Passion" and then contacted police on Sunday, March 7. He led the detectives through his process of killing Wilson, which was inspired by watching CBS' crime drama "C.S.I." Leach convinced Wilson to participate in a "pseudo-therapy exercise" that involved her writing a letter to express her negative feelings and having her place a pillowcase over her head so she wouldn't rely on her sense of sight. Leach then strangled her with the cord from her graduation gown.
Leach admitted that he had planned the murder from the day he learned that his girlfriend was pregnant. An initial autopsy did not reveal any pregnancy, however. A final autopsy report has yet to be filed.
Wilson's parents feel somewhat vindicated now that they know their daughter didn't commit suicide, but are stunned by Leach's confession.
"[The detectives] apologized profusely," says Coulter. "However, if this boy had not come forward, we would have never known."
Leach was indicted on a murder charge Monday and arrested Tuesday. He is in the county jail in lieu of $100,000 bail.
LOS ANGELES
A Texas man who got away with murder was moved to confess his crime after seeing Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ."
Dan Leach II, a 21-year-old man from the Houston area, killed his girlfriend Ashley Nicole Wilson, 19, in January and then covered it up to make it look like a suicide, reports the Houston Chronicle. Police investigators say evidence proved that she had hanged herself, despite her parents' belief to the contrary.
Wilson's mother, Renee Wilson Coulter, found her daughter's body on Jan. 19. The body was fully clothed with a pillowcase over her head. A cord was wrapped around her neck and tied to the headboard.
"We found a letter that could be interpreted as a suicide note," says sheriff's Detective Mike Kubricht. "It didn't actually say that she was going to kill herself, but it did state that she was extremely depressed because she was pregnant and the person she was pregnant by was not going to be there for her to raise the child."
Over a month after Wilson's death, Leach watched "Passion" and then contacted police on Sunday, March 7. He led the detectives through his process of killing Wilson, which was inspired by watching CBS' crime drama "C.S.I." Leach convinced Wilson to participate in a "pseudo-therapy exercise" that involved her writing a letter to express her negative feelings and having her place a pillowcase over her head so she wouldn't rely on her sense of sight. Leach then strangled her with the cord from her graduation gown.
Leach admitted that he had planned the murder from the day he learned that his girlfriend was pregnant. An initial autopsy did not reveal any pregnancy, however. A final autopsy report has yet to be filed.
Wilson's parents feel somewhat vindicated now that they know their daughter didn't commit suicide, but are stunned by Leach's confession.
"[The detectives] apologized profusely," says Coulter. "However, if this boy had not come forward, we would have never known."
Leach was indicted on a murder charge Monday and arrested Tuesday. He is in the county jail in lieu of $100,000 bail.
I Can't Believe My Dad Got a Tat
My husband went golfing with my dad yesterday. In the course of the day, Dad showed Matt his hand, whereon the words "No More," were inscribed. Matt said, "Is that a real tattoo?" Dad said, "Forty
dollars worth." For those of you who don't know my dad very well (which I think takes in pretty much all of you), "No More" makes sense. Why? Because my father has anger management issues. My dad, who is about to turn 69, is the only person I've ever even heard of who pulled a cop over to tell him (the cop) that he was speeding. In fact, I think Dad referred to it as, "Driving like an asshole and getting paid good money for it."
My father goes absolutely stark-raving gonzo at the drop of a hat. What brings it on? Anyone who questions his authority or his supremacy at the top of his perceived food chain. We're descended from hearty Norwegian stock, and I believe the correct ethnic term is "Berserk."
He completely pitched a looney fit the day Matt and I got married. The lady at the wedding chapel dared defy him when he asked for an itemization of the charges to his credit card. All of our wedding guests were seated in the chapel, I was standing there in my wedding gown, and my father was shitting a kitten in the lobby. My soon to be mother-in-law said to Matt, "Who is that man?" Matt claimed to have no idea, but the jig was up when I was walked down the aisle.
So, no more indeed.
dollars worth." For those of you who don't know my dad very well (which I think takes in pretty much all of you), "No More" makes sense. Why? Because my father has anger management issues. My dad, who is about to turn 69, is the only person I've ever even heard of who pulled a cop over to tell him (the cop) that he was speeding. In fact, I think Dad referred to it as, "Driving like an asshole and getting paid good money for it."
My father goes absolutely stark-raving gonzo at the drop of a hat. What brings it on? Anyone who questions his authority or his supremacy at the top of his perceived food chain. We're descended from hearty Norwegian stock, and I believe the correct ethnic term is "Berserk."
He completely pitched a looney fit the day Matt and I got married. The lady at the wedding chapel dared defy him when he asked for an itemization of the charges to his credit card. All of our wedding guests were seated in the chapel, I was standing there in my wedding gown, and my father was shitting a kitten in the lobby. My soon to be mother-in-law said to Matt, "Who is that man?" Matt claimed to have no idea, but the jig was up when I was walked down the aisle.
So, no more indeed.
March 25, 2004
I Miss My Friend
One year ago tomorrow, March 26, one of my best friends died. He'd been fighting cancer for four years: it started in his colon, then moved into his liver and lungs. When he was first diagnosed, everyone who knew him said, "If anyone can beat it, it's Mike." And I'll say this, Mike fought it with everything he had. He was a fighter from the day he was born until the day he died. I still can't quite get my brain around the notion that he lost that fight, the most important one of all.
Mike was a logger. He was also a husband, a father, a friend and a mentor. But if there was one single thing that Mike was known for and if his soul had its own name, it was Logger. I met him in the woods when I was 19 and it didn't take long for us to become friends. He taught me a lot. I think I use some of his lessons every day, especially when it comes to treating those who work for you fairly and with respect, even when it comes to criticism and discipline.
Mike gave everything he had. His door was always open to his friends, and I know of a lot of people he assisted financially and never expected a penny back from.
I miss him every day, but this week has been a hard one. The day before he died, he had his daughter and my friend Jamie call me on the phone at work. He didn't speak to me--I'm not sure he had the strength. But he did tell her to tell me that he loved me. That's the best gift he could ever have given me. I knew, right before he left this earth, that someone I cared about and had immense respect for cared about me and respected me in return.
Mike, I don't know where you are or if you have any way of knowing, but I miss you so much.
Mike was a logger. He was also a husband, a father, a friend and a mentor. But if there was one single thing that Mike was known for and if his soul had its own name, it was Logger. I met him in the woods when I was 19 and it didn't take long for us to become friends. He taught me a lot. I think I use some of his lessons every day, especially when it comes to treating those who work for you fairly and with respect, even when it comes to criticism and discipline.
Mike gave everything he had. His door was always open to his friends, and I know of a lot of people he assisted financially and never expected a penny back from.
I miss him every day, but this week has been a hard one. The day before he died, he had his daughter and my friend Jamie call me on the phone at work. He didn't speak to me--I'm not sure he had the strength. But he did tell her to tell me that he loved me. That's the best gift he could ever have given me. I knew, right before he left this earth, that someone I cared about and had immense respect for cared about me and respected me in return.
Mike, I don't know where you are or if you have any way of knowing, but I miss you so much.
March 24, 2004
I Think This is Neato
Check this out.
Sea on Mars May Have Sustained Life
PASADENA (California) - The site where a Nasa robot found the first hard evidence that liquid water once existed on Mars, is the remains of an ancient shoreline of a salty sea that would have been hospitable to life and capable of preserving its remains, scientists said on Tuesday.
A detailed chemical and geological analysis of rocks in a shallow crater indicates the formations were shaped by gently flowing saltwater that came and went, indicating the area was probably once the coastline of an ocean, scientists said.
'We think Opportunity is now parked on what was once the shoreline of a salty sea on Mars,' said Dr Steve Squyres of Cornell University, who is leading the scientific team studying Mars.
Further study will be needed to determine how long, and how long ago, the body of water existed and how big it was, the researchers said. But the findings bring them a tantalising step closer to the goal of determining whether Earth's closest relative in the solar system may have once been home to living organisms.
Life on Mars...it takes me back to reading Ray Bradbury's "The Martian Chronicles" in sixth grade. I still think those are some of the best science fiction stories ever written, next to pretty much anything by Robert A. Heinlein.
Sea on Mars May Have Sustained Life
PASADENA (California) - The site where a Nasa robot found the first hard evidence that liquid water once existed on Mars, is the remains of an ancient shoreline of a salty sea that would have been hospitable to life and capable of preserving its remains, scientists said on Tuesday.
A detailed chemical and geological analysis of rocks in a shallow crater indicates the formations were shaped by gently flowing saltwater that came and went, indicating the area was probably once the coastline of an ocean, scientists said.
'We think Opportunity is now parked on what was once the shoreline of a salty sea on Mars,' said Dr Steve Squyres of Cornell University, who is leading the scientific team studying Mars.
Further study will be needed to determine how long, and how long ago, the body of water existed and how big it was, the researchers said. But the findings bring them a tantalising step closer to the goal of determining whether Earth's closest relative in the solar system may have once been home to living organisms.
Life on Mars...it takes me back to reading Ray Bradbury's "The Martian Chronicles" in sixth grade. I still think those are some of the best science fiction stories ever written, next to pretty much anything by Robert A. Heinlein.
Ah, Spring...
...the warm breezes, the soft bird calls, the churning grind of the sump pump. Yes, it's spring time in Cascade. I climbed over a five foot tall pile of snow alongside the house to discover crocuses blooming along the south wall.
They say Idaho only has two seasons: snowmobiling and highway construction. Get out the traffic cones.
They say Idaho only has two seasons: snowmobiling and highway construction. Get out the traffic cones.
Race for the Cure
I found out today that the Treasure Valley Ford Dealers are going to sponsor our Race for the Cure team! It's so great of them--entry fees run $20 per person, and they've challenged us to come up with 100 people for the team. You do the math. It's so generous of them.
If you're in the Boise area and want to participate, please e-mail me. I'd love to get a bunch of people signed up.
If you're in the Boise area and want to participate, please e-mail me. I'd love to get a bunch of people signed up.
It's Official
I'm formally declaring that I am crushing on Adam Levine, of Maroon 5.
Him cute. Him awfully skinny, but him cute.
Him cute. Him awfully skinny, but him cute.
March 23, 2004
Supper Run
Time to go fetch tonight's dinner: deep dish pizza with Canadian bacon, fresh mushrooms and extra cheese. There's a colon-blocker for ya.
I'm a Friggin' Trainwreck
I got back from the chiropractor this afternoon. I did something to my shoulder over the weekend--actually kind of under the shoulder blade. Anyway, he said I totally screwed it up and he thinks he's got it readjusted, but I can't move my elbow away from my side for like, oh, four or five days.
I can't figure it out: I exercise, I stretch, I don't compete in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. So why is my body falling apart? I'm only 29, ferchrissakes. My hip is pretty much always out of whack and now my shoulder and even my neck? Sheeeit. I'm not going to be good for anything but soup meat by the time I'm 40.
I can't figure it out: I exercise, I stretch, I don't compete in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. So why is my body falling apart? I'm only 29, ferchrissakes. My hip is pretty much always out of whack and now my shoulder and even my neck? Sheeeit. I'm not going to be good for anything but soup meat by the time I'm 40.
March 22, 2004
You'd Have to be Dumber Than a Mackerel
Here's an excerpt of an e-mail I just received. Adios, bloggers--I'm off to spend my $4.5 million.
Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners
International programs held on the 06/01/2004. Your e-mail address
attached to ticket number 653164251591-6011 with serial number 7321
410,batch number24/00319/IPD,lottery ref number OYL/26510460037/02
and drew lucky number 4-9-17-36-44-78 which consequently won in the
1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out
of US$4.5m. (FOUR MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND United States
Dollars)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your
winning information confidential until your claims has been processed
and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol
to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by
some participants. All participants were selected through a computer
ballot system drawn from over 40,000 company and 20,000,000
individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This
promotional program takes place every year. This lottery was promoted
and sponsored by Association of software producers. we hope with part
of your winning,you will take part in our next year US$5 million
international lottery. To file for your claim, please contact our
fiducial agent,
I have kept the spelling just as it was in the e-mail. Obviously this is a very clever, highly educated group of software producers. I'm sure I have blown my chances at getting the money because I have already violated the confidentiality agreement. Oh, and note the date the lottery was held.
Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners
International programs held on the 06/01/2004. Your e-mail address
attached to ticket number 653164251591-6011 with serial number 7321
410,batch number24/00319/IPD,lottery ref number OYL/26510460037/02
and drew lucky number 4-9-17-36-44-78 which consequently won in the
1st category, you have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out
of US$4.5m. (FOUR MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND United States
Dollars)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your
winning information confidential until your claims has been processed
and your money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol
to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by
some participants. All participants were selected through a computer
ballot system drawn from over 40,000 company and 20,000,000
individual email addresses and names from all over the world. This
promotional program takes place every year. This lottery was promoted
and sponsored by Association of software producers. we hope with part
of your winning,you will take part in our next year US$5 million
international lottery. To file for your claim, please contact our
fiducial agent,
I have kept the spelling just as it was in the e-mail. Obviously this is a very clever, highly educated group of software producers. I'm sure I have blown my chances at getting the money because I have already violated the confidentiality agreement. Oh, and note the date the lottery was held.
March 21, 2004
The Banana Will Tell You When It's Time to Run
I'd like to draw y'all's attention to the left side column. See that funky bananner over there? That's the Dancing Terror Alert Banana. Here's how it works: if he's yellow, we're pretty much okay. If he's orange, you might want to cancel any junkets to Washington D.C. or large sporting events. If he's red, grab yourself a shovel and a bag of rice and start digging your bunker.
Now you know.
Now you know.
Get It Off of Me!
So I've been hatching the world's biggest zit for like four days now. It's on my chin. I'm pretty sure the national defense satellites could spot it from their places in orbit. Hell, the Mars Lander is probably thinking in its little robot brain, "You think the surface of Mars is interesting? Check out Casey's chin!"
I just want it to go away. Suggestions?
I just want it to go away. Suggestions?
March 20, 2004
Wake Up, Pee Wee!
I swear to God, I can't fathom why people just don't get the fact that, when you're on probation for certain things, you should not do anything whatsoever that might be just the littlest bit in violation. Reference Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman.
LOS ANGELES – The actor who gained fame as children's television star Pee-wee Herman pleaded guilty yesterday to a misdemeanor charge of possessing obscene material and was sentenced to three years of probation requiring him to stay away from children.
The plea was part of a deal actor Paul Reubens, 51, struck with prosecutors, who agreed to drop a separate child pornography charge. Under the agreement, Reubens will have to register as a sex offender during his probation period, undergo counseling for one year and pay a $100 fine.
Reubens, who contends that the images at issue are part of his art collection, will be allowed to continue to appeal his case.
His spokesman, Eric Moses, said that with the plea, Reubens acknowledged possessing 170 images that depicted minors with their genitals exposed and engaged in sexual conduct.
Some of the images were "child erotica" created by Reubens in recent years, Moses said.
As far as I am concerned, that's just stupid behavior. I honestly have always liked Paul Reubens and my little brother and I loved watching "Pee Wee's Playhouse" when we were growing up. But damn, man! Think about your actions!
LOS ANGELES – The actor who gained fame as children's television star Pee-wee Herman pleaded guilty yesterday to a misdemeanor charge of possessing obscene material and was sentenced to three years of probation requiring him to stay away from children.
The plea was part of a deal actor Paul Reubens, 51, struck with prosecutors, who agreed to drop a separate child pornography charge. Under the agreement, Reubens will have to register as a sex offender during his probation period, undergo counseling for one year and pay a $100 fine.
Reubens, who contends that the images at issue are part of his art collection, will be allowed to continue to appeal his case.
His spokesman, Eric Moses, said that with the plea, Reubens acknowledged possessing 170 images that depicted minors with their genitals exposed and engaged in sexual conduct.
Some of the images were "child erotica" created by Reubens in recent years, Moses said.
As far as I am concerned, that's just stupid behavior. I honestly have always liked Paul Reubens and my little brother and I loved watching "Pee Wee's Playhouse" when we were growing up. But damn, man! Think about your actions!
So? Did You Do Something Nice?
Just checking to see if anyone signed up for JoinMe and did something nice for someone on Friday. Anyone? Report in the comments if you'd like to share.
I sent a donation to Habitat for Humanity. I don't run into many strangers in this town, at least not this time of year (everything changes during the summer tourist season), so I picked Habitat because I know it will help someone who is most certainly a stranger to me.
Pat yourselves on the back for the good you do, folks. Karma is a wheel.
I sent a donation to Habitat for Humanity. I don't run into many strangers in this town, at least not this time of year (everything changes during the summer tourist season), so I picked Habitat because I know it will help someone who is most certainly a stranger to me.
Pat yourselves on the back for the good you do, folks. Karma is a wheel.
March 19, 2004
Now with TrackBack!
You will notice that I have enabled the TrackBack feature here, so feel free to link to anything of mine that you find especially delightful.
I have Erica to thank for showing me the way. Now I just have to figure out how to ping back to her post...
I have Erica to thank for showing me the way. Now I just have to figure out how to ping back to her post...
WWJD? JWWYA!*
*What Would Jesus Do? Jesus Would Whup Your Ass!
Too Much Passion, Not Enough Love
The theological implications of The Passion of the Christ proved too much for one God-fearing American couple last weekend when what began as a discussion on the content of Mel Gibson's movie ended with Georgia natives Sean and Melissa (no, not that Melissa Davidson spending a night in police cells, each charged with battery.
"It was the dumbest thing we've ever done," Melissa later admitted. "We both called the cops on each other. It was just one of those stupid things."
The problem, in a nutshell, was that Sean left the cinema believing that the Father referred to in the Holy Trinity was a human being, whereas his wife interpreted this in more symbolic terms.
At home things turned ugly. Police reports claim that Melissa suffered injuries to her face and arms, while Sean suffered scissor stabs to his hand and had his shirt torn off. He is alleged to have also punched a hole in the living room wall.
The Davidsons were released on $1,000 bail and appear to have ultimately agreed to disagree and make peace with one another.
This, one suspects, is what Jesus would have wanted all along.
Too Much Passion, Not Enough Love
The theological implications of The Passion of the Christ proved too much for one God-fearing American couple last weekend when what began as a discussion on the content of Mel Gibson's movie ended with Georgia natives Sean and Melissa (no, not that Melissa Davidson spending a night in police cells, each charged with battery.
"It was the dumbest thing we've ever done," Melissa later admitted. "We both called the cops on each other. It was just one of those stupid things."
The problem, in a nutshell, was that Sean left the cinema believing that the Father referred to in the Holy Trinity was a human being, whereas his wife interpreted this in more symbolic terms.
At home things turned ugly. Police reports claim that Melissa suffered injuries to her face and arms, while Sean suffered scissor stabs to his hand and had his shirt torn off. He is alleged to have also punched a hole in the living room wall.
The Davidsons were released on $1,000 bail and appear to have ultimately agreed to disagree and make peace with one another.
This, one suspects, is what Jesus would have wanted all along.
March 18, 2004
Do You Have What it Takes?
Do you think you could do one good deed once a week for a stranger? If so, today is the day. Go to Join Me and sign up. Its easy: all you have to do is buy a stranger a beer, give them your copy of the newspaper when you're done reading it, or maybe even let someone into traffic ahead of you. Its all about spreading good will and building up your own karma. Maybe it really is this easy to make the world a better place. I challenge you to do something nice for someone Friday, then come back and let me know about it.
Via Cupie.
Via Cupie.
Watching Bill Maher
Last night I sat and watched the latest episode of Bill Maher on HBO. One of his guests, (I believe she was the former prime minister of Canada, but I could be slightly off) said something I found very interesting. She said, "Religion gets in the way of morality." George Carlin nodded his head, so I know she must be on to something.
What do you think?
What do you think?
I Feel Lucky
As you may have noticed, I'm reading "Nickle and Dimed," by Barbara Ehrenreich. Its a disturbing look at how people don't get by in America. Ms. Ehrenreich actually went out into the workforce as a low-wage employee and worked as a waitress, a Merry Maid, a WalMart employee, etc. Her wage averaged around $7/hour. Her intent was to demonstrate what a single mother, recently disqualified from welfare, might be going through. You can't live like that. She trimmed all possible expenses, living hand-to-mouth as she was conducting her experiment. And then she was lucky enough to return to her real home--a successful author who knew where her next meal was coming from.
I recently heard it said that a Republican was someone who was into foreign aid, and a Democrat was someone who was into domestic aid. I've never been able to decide which type of aid was more right, but reading this book certainly tells me that something needs to change.
I recently heard it said that a Republican was someone who was into foreign aid, and a Democrat was someone who was into domestic aid. I've never been able to decide which type of aid was more right, but reading this book certainly tells me that something needs to change.
Write a Letter for Martha
Check this out.
NEW YORK — Martha Stewart reportedly asked supporters to write letters to the federal judge who will sentence her for allegedly lying about a stock sale.
In a letter posted on the gossip Web site Gawker.com and reported in New York newspapers on Thursday, Stewart wrote that her lawyers advised her that it would be appropriate for friends to write to Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum.
"If you would be so kind to write such a letter, please include your opinion of my character, my work ethic, my integrity and my probity," Stewart wrote. She added that writers could include "any memorable experiences you have had with me" to explain the basis of their opinions.
Because I know that a lot of federal judges hang out on my blog, I decided this would be a really good forum for my own letter.
Dear Judge Goldman Cedarbaum:
Lock that crazy bitch up and throw away the key.
Sincerely,
Casey
NEW YORK — Martha Stewart reportedly asked supporters to write letters to the federal judge who will sentence her for allegedly lying about a stock sale.
In a letter posted on the gossip Web site Gawker.com and reported in New York newspapers on Thursday, Stewart wrote that her lawyers advised her that it would be appropriate for friends to write to Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum.
"If you would be so kind to write such a letter, please include your opinion of my character, my work ethic, my integrity and my probity," Stewart wrote. She added that writers could include "any memorable experiences you have had with me" to explain the basis of their opinions.
Because I know that a lot of federal judges hang out on my blog, I decided this would be a really good forum for my own letter.
Dear Judge Goldman Cedarbaum:
Lock that crazy bitch up and throw away the key.
Sincerely,
Casey
March 17, 2004
Happy Anniversary, Baby! Got You on my Mind...
Matt and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary today. We got a hotel room in Boise last night and by way of doing something special, attended a Thai cuisine class at Grand Gourmet, a specialty cooking store downtown. It was really interesting and I think we learned a lot. As a matter of fact, we're attempting to duplicate one of the recipes at home tonight. Its called "Drunken Chicken," and is a very spicy dish flavored with lemongrass, ginger, garlic and chiles. If it turns out half as good as last night's dish, we'll be in foodie heaven.
In the meantime, Handy Andy (Matt) is working on a home improvement project. He tested his mettle on Monday by installing one of those kitchen sprayer faucets. Its the bomb. He's now in the hall bathroom putting in a hand-held shower head. Nobody ever takes a shower in there, but it's going to make bathing the dogs worlds easier to accomplish.
In the meantime, Handy Andy (Matt) is working on a home improvement project. He tested his mettle on Monday by installing one of those kitchen sprayer faucets. Its the bomb. He's now in the hall bathroom putting in a hand-held shower head. Nobody ever takes a shower in there, but it's going to make bathing the dogs worlds easier to accomplish.
Proud to be Idahoan
I've been meaning to bring up a pretty interesting happening in Idaho politics. I just picked up an issue of Idaho Liberty, the ACLU of Idaho's publication, and it reminded me that I needed to post about this. I'll just quote from the article:
Representative Henry Kulczyk (R, Eagle) proposed to amend the Idaho Constitution to state: "Only marriage between one man and one woman at one time shall be recognized as valid in this state. No other relationship shall be recognized as a marriage or its legal equivalent by the state of Idaho or its political subdivisions, regardless of whether such relationship is recognized by the laws of any jurisdiction outside this state."
...
The House voted 53/17 in support of the amendment. Senator Sheila Sorensen (R, Boise), Chair of the Senate State Affairs Committee, held the bill without a hearing.
...
In an unusual meneuver, Senate Pro Tem Robert Geddes, (R, Soda Springs) attempted to bypass Sen. Sorensen and pull the bill into committee. His motion failed on a 5/4 vote.
This is amazing to see in a conservative state like Idaho. I have so much respect for Senator Sorensen because she stood up to the conservative, male-dominated lawmakers and was quoted as saying, "Why are we doing it? Where is the threat? Why is this more important than other laws? It's an election tool people are using. It's being used as a litmus test. It's mean-spirited."
Senator Sheila Sorensen, I salute you. You've got bigger balls than any of your counterparts, and I mean that as a very sincere compliment.
Representative Henry Kulczyk (R, Eagle) proposed to amend the Idaho Constitution to state: "Only marriage between one man and one woman at one time shall be recognized as valid in this state. No other relationship shall be recognized as a marriage or its legal equivalent by the state of Idaho or its political subdivisions, regardless of whether such relationship is recognized by the laws of any jurisdiction outside this state."
...
The House voted 53/17 in support of the amendment. Senator Sheila Sorensen (R, Boise), Chair of the Senate State Affairs Committee, held the bill without a hearing.
...
In an unusual meneuver, Senate Pro Tem Robert Geddes, (R, Soda Springs) attempted to bypass Sen. Sorensen and pull the bill into committee. His motion failed on a 5/4 vote.
This is amazing to see in a conservative state like Idaho. I have so much respect for Senator Sorensen because she stood up to the conservative, male-dominated lawmakers and was quoted as saying, "Why are we doing it? Where is the threat? Why is this more important than other laws? It's an election tool people are using. It's being used as a litmus test. It's mean-spirited."
Senator Sheila Sorensen, I salute you. You've got bigger balls than any of your counterparts, and I mean that as a very sincere compliment.
March 16, 2004
Get These Girls a Date!
I think just being a commentator on VH1's top 20 countdown is not enough to secure you a date. There are two girls on there (I think they're affiliated with rock magazines) who have some of the...strangest...taste in men that I've ever seen. Either that or they are shameless toadies and will say anything in order to appear on next week's show. Maybe both.
The first disgusting thing they said this morning was how John Mayer was so beautiful and he had lips that, "Every woman in America wants to kiss." Not this one. That would be like kissing someone I used to babysit. He looks like a 13 year-old with a surprisingly good complexion. I don't think I could find him attractive if he was covered in honey and rolled in $100 bills.
Next, they said that Justin Hawkins of The Darkness was dead sexy. Maybe if he got his teeth fixed, ate more protein and went to the gym a few times.
Shudder. Ladies, get a grip on your rampant hormones. You can take pills now to regulate that kind of thing.
The first disgusting thing they said this morning was how John Mayer was so beautiful and he had lips that, "Every woman in America wants to kiss." Not this one. That would be like kissing someone I used to babysit. He looks like a 13 year-old with a surprisingly good complexion. I don't think I could find him attractive if he was covered in honey and rolled in $100 bills.
Next, they said that Justin Hawkins of The Darkness was dead sexy. Maybe if he got his teeth fixed, ate more protein and went to the gym a few times.
Shudder. Ladies, get a grip on your rampant hormones. You can take pills now to regulate that kind of thing.
March 15, 2004
Bastards!
Why I oughta...!
Those dirtbags at the wedding chapel we were married at have added a few new options. That's right, they now have an Elvis impersonator doing weddings. And even if he doesn't perform the ceremony, you can hire him for songs and photo opportunities. That just blows. The thing is, my pending mother-in-law and I were kind of at loggerheads over the fact that our wedding was in Las Vegas in the first place. To quote: "You can't possibly stay married if you start your relationship in Las Vegas. It just shows that you're not taking your vows seriously." So I was pretty much at the point where any passive-aggressive behavior that I could come up with was going to be immediately implemented. I totally could have added an impersonator or two to my arsenal of coronary-inducing hijinks.
That's it. I think its about time to renew our vows.
Those dirtbags at the wedding chapel we were married at have added a few new options. That's right, they now have an Elvis impersonator doing weddings. And even if he doesn't perform the ceremony, you can hire him for songs and photo opportunities. That just blows. The thing is, my pending mother-in-law and I were kind of at loggerheads over the fact that our wedding was in Las Vegas in the first place. To quote: "You can't possibly stay married if you start your relationship in Las Vegas. It just shows that you're not taking your vows seriously." So I was pretty much at the point where any passive-aggressive behavior that I could come up with was going to be immediately implemented. I totally could have added an impersonator or two to my arsenal of coronary-inducing hijinks.
That's it. I think its about time to renew our vows.
Call Me Mary Katherine
I just attended part of a meeting for The Thunder City Players, a local group of yokels who put on a play maybe once every three years or so. The last one was a hoot, and so I really wanted to see if I could join and get a part in the one coming up. The bad news is that the two performances take place the weekend before Memorial Day and then on Memorial Day weekend. My j-o-b (don't ask because I can't tell you) is tied very closely to holiday weekends during the summertime, so it looks like I can't be a thespian.
*heavy sigh* Its okay. They said at the meeting that they already had more actors than parts. So despite the fact that I'm talented and good looking (eye roll), there's just no guarantee I'd get a part.
Someday I'm gonna be a SuperStar! Until then I'll just have to stick my fingers in my armpits and then smell them...like this!
*heavy sigh* Its okay. They said at the meeting that they already had more actors than parts. So despite the fact that I'm talented and good looking (eye roll), there's just no guarantee I'd get a part.
Someday I'm gonna be a SuperStar! Until then I'll just have to stick my fingers in my armpits and then smell them...like this!
Breast Cancer Detection News
New Zealand Scientist Makes Breakthrough in Breast Cancer Screening
WELLINGTON, March 13 (Xinhuanet) -- A New Zealand scientist in Auckland has developed a revolutionary form of breast screening that may detect cancer several years earlier than present X-ray techniques, New Zealand Herald reported Saturday.
The new radar-based system can spot tumors as small as 1 mm in diameter, a quarter of the size of the smallest tumors that are up to nine or 10 years old by the time they can be found by existing x-ray mammograms and ultrasounds.
Auckland breast surgeon John Harman, who is seeking ethical committee approval for a stage one clinical trial of the technique, said it could be the biggest advance in breast screening in 30 years.
"There is still a long way to go, but this could be an incredible breakthrough in medical technology," he said.
This is very good news! For those who are in the Boise area, mark your calendars for May 8 so that you can participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation's Race for the Cure. I'm captaining a team for the 3rd year in a row, and would love to have you on my team!
WELLINGTON, March 13 (Xinhuanet) -- A New Zealand scientist in Auckland has developed a revolutionary form of breast screening that may detect cancer several years earlier than present X-ray techniques, New Zealand Herald reported Saturday.
The new radar-based system can spot tumors as small as 1 mm in diameter, a quarter of the size of the smallest tumors that are up to nine or 10 years old by the time they can be found by existing x-ray mammograms and ultrasounds.
Auckland breast surgeon John Harman, who is seeking ethical committee approval for a stage one clinical trial of the technique, said it could be the biggest advance in breast screening in 30 years.
"There is still a long way to go, but this could be an incredible breakthrough in medical technology," he said.
This is very good news! For those who are in the Boise area, mark your calendars for May 8 so that you can participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation's Race for the Cure. I'm captaining a team for the 3rd year in a row, and would love to have you on my team!
March 14, 2004
What a Wanker
Garth Brooks Tries Out for the Kansas City Royals
PEORIA, Arizona (AP) -- Country music star Garth Brooks had fans on their feet and cheering Thursday, but it wasn't because of his singing.
Brooks singled during a spring training game in his latest tryout for a professional baseball team. The hit boosted Brooks to 2-for-42 in spring training games for the San Diego Padres, New York Mets and Royals. He is 1-for-3 this spring.
"I was even more surprised than the pitcher," said Brooks, whose only previous hit was a single in 1999.
Fans cheered, and someone flipped the ball to the 42-year-old Brooks as he removed his helmet and left for a pinch runner.
What a friggin' dilrod. He's 42 years old. He used to be the biggest thing on country music's toast, but not anymore. What posesses a man like this...oh, wait. Overweening ego. I forgot.
PEORIA, Arizona (AP) -- Country music star Garth Brooks had fans on their feet and cheering Thursday, but it wasn't because of his singing.
Brooks singled during a spring training game in his latest tryout for a professional baseball team. The hit boosted Brooks to 2-for-42 in spring training games for the San Diego Padres, New York Mets and Royals. He is 1-for-3 this spring.
"I was even more surprised than the pitcher," said Brooks, whose only previous hit was a single in 1999.
Fans cheered, and someone flipped the ball to the 42-year-old Brooks as he removed his helmet and left for a pinch runner.
What a friggin' dilrod. He's 42 years old. He used to be the biggest thing on country music's toast, but not anymore. What posesses a man like this...oh, wait. Overweening ego. I forgot.
March 13, 2004
Look Out, Paris--There's a New Kid in Town
Paris Hilton better take a step back and re-evaluate her reputation as the world's premier party girl. I'll have you know that my husband and I are about to head down to the local American Legion Hall (Frank Spicklemeyer Post) and party 'till dawn at the annual St. Patrick's Day corned beef & cabbage feed.
St. Pat's is a big day for my husband and I. His family is Irish-German, and that makes me Irish by injection. (ka-boom ching!) In addition to the heritage, we were wed two years ago in Las Vegas on St. Patrick's Day. The bride wore a white wedding gown, long veil, and New Balance tennis shoes. (Seriously, the dress was long, the groom was not appreciably taller than the bride anyway, and I was not about to schlep around Sin City in heels that I would never wear again in my natural life.) The groom looked considerably more distinguished.
So on Wednesday when you're hoisting a pint of Guiness, sent a mental Irish blessing our way. As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters always point the right way!
St. Pat's is a big day for my husband and I. His family is Irish-German, and that makes me Irish by injection. (ka-boom ching!) In addition to the heritage, we were wed two years ago in Las Vegas on St. Patrick's Day. The bride wore a white wedding gown, long veil, and New Balance tennis shoes. (Seriously, the dress was long, the groom was not appreciably taller than the bride anyway, and I was not about to schlep around Sin City in heels that I would never wear again in my natural life.) The groom looked considerably more distinguished.
So on Wednesday when you're hoisting a pint of Guiness, sent a mental Irish blessing our way. As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters always point the right way!
Cabbages and Kings
When we have children, I want my kid to wear one of these.
The more alert of you may be asking yourselves, "Have children? Doesn't she mean 'adopt children'?" Well, actually...no. Not at the moment. I kind of had life come out of nowhere and whallop me over the head with a biological imperative. My husband and I are not strictly infertile. There is some hope. When we went to see specialists last September, the key thing I heard was that it was going to be very, very difficult for us to conceive naturally. I realize now that, as a defense tactic against my emotions, I went very quickly from Plan A (conceive naturally), straight to Plan 12-B-472 (foster and adopt). As you can see by the numbering system, I skipped a few steps.
We contacted Health & Welfare last week and had them pull our applications, at least until we know more about our other options. It honestly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders after we did that. I'm not saying that adoption won't happen, but I want to know that we did everything we felt was right in order to have our own biological children.
So. That's that.
The more alert of you may be asking yourselves, "Have children? Doesn't she mean 'adopt children'?" Well, actually...no. Not at the moment. I kind of had life come out of nowhere and whallop me over the head with a biological imperative. My husband and I are not strictly infertile. There is some hope. When we went to see specialists last September, the key thing I heard was that it was going to be very, very difficult for us to conceive naturally. I realize now that, as a defense tactic against my emotions, I went very quickly from Plan A (conceive naturally), straight to Plan 12-B-472 (foster and adopt). As you can see by the numbering system, I skipped a few steps.
We contacted Health & Welfare last week and had them pull our applications, at least until we know more about our other options. It honestly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders after we did that. I'm not saying that adoption won't happen, but I want to know that we did everything we felt was right in order to have our own biological children.
So. That's that.
Dogs for Sale
Yes, dear readers, I am posting at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. Why? Because I have two stupid dogs who I am going to sell to an ethnic foods market today unless my husband convinces me otherwise.
We just found out that Cascade requires the dogs to be licensed annually, so we went in and bought them tags yesterday. When paired with their rabies tags, the dogs jingle jangle in the most annoying fashion. It gets worse at 2:00 in the morning when Grover gets up for a drink.
Dogs for sale! Dogs for sale! I suspect the older one would need to be stewed, but the younger one would make a fine roaster.
We just found out that Cascade requires the dogs to be licensed annually, so we went in and bought them tags yesterday. When paired with their rabies tags, the dogs jingle jangle in the most annoying fashion. It gets worse at 2:00 in the morning when Grover gets up for a drink.
Dogs for sale! Dogs for sale! I suspect the older one would need to be stewed, but the younger one would make a fine roaster.
March 12, 2004
Because I Know You Want to Know
Today's footwear. Go to the Specialty section and look at the pair on the left.
Don't make me kick you.
Don't make me kick you.
March 11, 2004
I Hate Foxes
My friend Rosie refers to foxes as, "Nasty little cat-dogs." She's right. I used to think foxes were cute. Then they started peeing on my stuff. Cascade is swarming with foxes, many of which are tame enough that they'll come right up on your porch and scent mark anything that happens to be there. If you've never smelled fox whiz, its exactly like skunk stink, only less intense. Its so rank. The dumb dogs love it, though. Its like spaniel cologne to them. They find whatever object (notably our barbeque grill) the fox has made potty on and then they rub their heads and bodies all over it. Then they come prancing over, wagging their stumpy little tails, and making faces like, "Oh Mommy, don't I smell pretty? Give me a hug!"
Damn fool dogs...
Damn fool dogs...
We Knew It Was Coming, Right?
California Supreme Court Blocks Gay Marriages--Washington Post
SAN FRANCISCO -- The California Supreme Court on Thursday ordered an immediate halt to gay marriages in San Francisco, delivering a victory to conservatives who have fought for a month to block the ceremonies.
The court did not rule on the legality of such marriages, and justices said they would hear such a case in May or June.
The dispute began Feb. 12, when Mayor Gavin Newsom ordered his administration to issue same-sex marriage licenses. A steady stream of gay couples from around the country have traveled to be married at City Hall, just a block from the Supreme Court. More than 3,700 couples having tied the knot in San Francisco so far.
The action by California's highest court came two weeks after state Attorney General Bill Lockyer and a conservative group asked the seven justices to immediately block the gay marriages.
The justices ruled unanimously that Newsom must "refrain from issuing marriage licenses or certificates not authorized" by California marriage laws.
I know this is all part of the process of legalizing gay marriage, so I'm not going to get too down about it. I think the right message has been sent, and is being sent in other places across the country. Good things are going to happen.
SAN FRANCISCO -- The California Supreme Court on Thursday ordered an immediate halt to gay marriages in San Francisco, delivering a victory to conservatives who have fought for a month to block the ceremonies.
The court did not rule on the legality of such marriages, and justices said they would hear such a case in May or June.
The dispute began Feb. 12, when Mayor Gavin Newsom ordered his administration to issue same-sex marriage licenses. A steady stream of gay couples from around the country have traveled to be married at City Hall, just a block from the Supreme Court. More than 3,700 couples having tied the knot in San Francisco so far.
The action by California's highest court came two weeks after state Attorney General Bill Lockyer and a conservative group asked the seven justices to immediately block the gay marriages.
The justices ruled unanimously that Newsom must "refrain from issuing marriage licenses or certificates not authorized" by California marriage laws.
I know this is all part of the process of legalizing gay marriage, so I'm not going to get too down about it. I think the right message has been sent, and is being sent in other places across the country. Good things are going to happen.
A Brief Sermon
And yea, the Lord spake unto me as the sun rose into the new day, and the Lord said, "Thou must turn thy TV unto VH1." And lo, I turned unto VH1 and beheld the light. Yea, it was Maroon 5 singing unto me. Verily, I was pleased with what the Lord had wrought.
March 10, 2004
Dear DISH, All is Forgiven
Oh, those kind-hearted souls at DISH Network. In exchange for not allowing access to VH1 and Nickelodeon, yadda yadda, they have allowed us a complimentary viewing of the Pakistan vs. Namibia cricket match. I am not making this up. My husband is falling asleep in front of the TV as I type. Pakistan vs. Namibia... I'm not one to complain but I was really holding out to see a tractor-pull or maybe even a cat show.
Wine Snobs Bug Me
My husband and I really like to drink wine. We like white wines, and we are partial to sweeter types like Riesling and that kind that's really hard to spell and includes the letters G, V, W, M and R. G-something-miner. Anyhoo, I went into a store in Boise the other day that has a huge selection of wines, and I asked the sommalier where the white merlots were. He sneered down his nose and said, "Ah, the duplicitously named white merlot." I said, "Huh?" and he replied, "Well, its really pink." Uh, okay.
One of the nearby towns (McCall, for those in the know) has a wine bar/restaraunt, and the entire town is now rocked by a scandal. Yes, this place is charging a $5 decorking fee. You pick out a bottle of wine, tell them you'd like to drink it with your meal, they charge you for the cost of the bottle, then they charge you an additional $5 to uncork it. What the hell is that all about? There is no additional charge if you bring your own corkscrew and uncork it your damn self. Wine people get totally out of control sometimes. And that's often before they've even started drinking.
For anyone who cares, my current favorite is Obsession by Ironstone Winery. Mmm.
One of the nearby towns (McCall, for those in the know) has a wine bar/restaraunt, and the entire town is now rocked by a scandal. Yes, this place is charging a $5 decorking fee. You pick out a bottle of wine, tell them you'd like to drink it with your meal, they charge you for the cost of the bottle, then they charge you an additional $5 to uncork it. What the hell is that all about? There is no additional charge if you bring your own corkscrew and uncork it your damn self. Wine people get totally out of control sometimes. And that's often before they've even started drinking.
For anyone who cares, my current favorite is Obsession by Ironstone Winery. Mmm.
This May Come as a Surprise
The Miami Herald has an interesting article today. Am I the only one who's not surprised that those who pledge virginity end up having sex anyway?
Virginity pledgers' STDs not reduced
A researcher says 'Just say no' doesn't work in the long term, after finding that the rates of sex diseases for teens who pledge virginity until marriage and for those who don't are similar.
BY JASON STRAZIUSO
Associated Press
PHILADELPHIA - Teenagers who make a one-time pledge to remain virgins until marriage catch sexually transmitted diseases about as often as those who don't pledge abstinence, according to a study of the sex lives of 12,000 adolescents.
Those who make a public pledge to delay also wind up having fewer sex partners and get married earlier, the research shows. But the two groups' STD rates were statistically similar.
One of the problems, researchers found, is that virginity pledgers are less likely to use condoms.
''It's difficult to simultaneously prepare for sex and say you're not going to have sex,'' said Peter Bearman, chairman of Columbia University's sociology department, who coauthored the study with Hannah Bruckner of Yale University.
'The message is really simple: `Just say no' may work in the short term but doesn't work in the long term,'' Bearman said.
Virginity pledgers' STDs not reduced
A researcher says 'Just say no' doesn't work in the long term, after finding that the rates of sex diseases for teens who pledge virginity until marriage and for those who don't are similar.
BY JASON STRAZIUSO
Associated Press
PHILADELPHIA - Teenagers who make a one-time pledge to remain virgins until marriage catch sexually transmitted diseases about as often as those who don't pledge abstinence, according to a study of the sex lives of 12,000 adolescents.
Those who make a public pledge to delay also wind up having fewer sex partners and get married earlier, the research shows. But the two groups' STD rates were statistically similar.
One of the problems, researchers found, is that virginity pledgers are less likely to use condoms.
''It's difficult to simultaneously prepare for sex and say you're not going to have sex,'' said Peter Bearman, chairman of Columbia University's sociology department, who coauthored the study with Hannah Bruckner of Yale University.
'The message is really simple: `Just say no' may work in the short term but doesn't work in the long term,'' Bearman said.
March 09, 2004
Happy Birthday!
You all need to go see Chelonia and wish her a happy birthday on today (Wednesday). Mmkay? She's turning the Big 3-0.
DISH
I hope to God a stray DISH Network employee does not enter our property lines this evening. My husband may assist him in returning our satellite dish to the manufacturer, provided said manufacturer can remove it from the aforementioned employee's nether iris. (Know what I'm saying?)
Last night as we were watching Cheers reruns, a message started rolling across a banner at the bottom of the screen. It alluded to DISH shutting off Nickelodeon, VH1, MTV, and several of their associated channels. The message would roll for several seconds, but then would get "blacked out" before we could finish reading it.
This morning, I awoke and watched a little CNN, then switched over to VH1. However, VH1 was no longer there. A little research on the DISH webpage and I find out that Viacom is feuding with DISH for higher rates. Of course, DISH is soooo committed to protecting my consumer rights, and have refused to pay Viacom the increased rates they are asking for. DISH is not so committed to my rights, though, as to cut me a break on my bill. Wait, no, they're crediting me a dollar a month for the loss of something like 10 different channels. What a deal! Know what else? They're not releasing anyone from their package commitment. Looks like I'm stuck with this shit for at least another 10 months, or until they accept Viacom's package and raise my rates even higher.
Ralph Nader, I'm still not going to vote for you, but I'd bake you a pan of brownies if you'd take care of this for me.
Last night as we were watching Cheers reruns, a message started rolling across a banner at the bottom of the screen. It alluded to DISH shutting off Nickelodeon, VH1, MTV, and several of their associated channels. The message would roll for several seconds, but then would get "blacked out" before we could finish reading it.
This morning, I awoke and watched a little CNN, then switched over to VH1. However, VH1 was no longer there. A little research on the DISH webpage and I find out that Viacom is feuding with DISH for higher rates. Of course, DISH is soooo committed to protecting my consumer rights, and have refused to pay Viacom the increased rates they are asking for. DISH is not so committed to my rights, though, as to cut me a break on my bill. Wait, no, they're crediting me a dollar a month for the loss of something like 10 different channels. What a deal! Know what else? They're not releasing anyone from their package commitment. Looks like I'm stuck with this shit for at least another 10 months, or until they accept Viacom's package and raise my rates even higher.
Ralph Nader, I'm still not going to vote for you, but I'd bake you a pan of brownies if you'd take care of this for me.
You're Dazzled, Aren't You?
Mel designed this dazzling new skin for me. I honestly could not be happier with what she came up with. She's a genius, folks, a genius! If you're in the market for some new design, toddle on over to Skinny Dippin' Designs and check out her work. Its a bargain at any price.
March 08, 2004
I'm Like Kobe Beef
You know, the Japanese cows that get massaged, then massacred and served up at $38 per burger? Hopefully my comparison will stop at the massage part. I had my second massage in 5 days this afternoon. Why? Because I'm all f*cked up. I've got some kind of syndrome thingy in my hip wherein the nerve that runs from my spinal column down my right leg gets pinched against the bone. Then my leg either hurts like a mother, or it goes numb. My chiropractor says my sacroiliac is also going out pretty often.
I'm twenty nine years old and I'm a trainwreck. The good news is that I went back to the other massage therapist, who is really awfully cute. Heh.
I'm twenty nine years old and I'm a trainwreck. The good news is that I went back to the other massage therapist, who is really awfully cute. Heh.
I Win, I Win, I Win!
I just won the best auction ever on e-Bay. Well, best for me. I got a brand new (with tags) Woolrich TechnoWool jacket. Retails for $60; I got it for $10.50.
I love the e-Bay!
Coz it is good to me!
Its got a pepper bar!
Okay, no pepper bar, but its at least as good as Quiznos. I wonder if those sponge-monkeys could write me a song?
I love the e-Bay!
Coz it is good to me!
Its got a pepper bar!
Okay, no pepper bar, but its at least as good as Quiznos. I wonder if those sponge-monkeys could write me a song?
March 07, 2004
How Much?! For Lotion?!
My friend Kristy and I hit the Origins counter at the mall last night. I was there to pick up some "Gloomaway Body Souffle," which was pretty spendy, but I figured I could handle $21 as a little splurge. While there, the lady at the counter offered us hand massages with the lotions of our choice. I'd got to sniffing things, so I ended up with a couple of different body souffles I wanted to try. Instead of the Gloomaway, I took "A Perfect World" up to the counter. It rang up as $31.80. From what I read on the box, it didn't describe this miracle cream as being able to provide bigger boobs, balancing my checkbook, or guaranteeing the ABB's victory in November. I nonchalantly gagged a couple of times as I was handing over my Visa.
You'll all be pleased to know that I returned the lotion after a lap or two around the mall. Don't make me tell you about the trip into Bath & Body Works or the Hallmark store, though.
You'll all be pleased to know that I returned the lotion after a lap or two around the mall. Don't make me tell you about the trip into Bath & Body Works or the Hallmark store, though.
March 06, 2004
He's All That
Excerpt of a converstation between my husband and I this morning:
Me: Honey, what would you do if I said Fabio was my ex-boyfriend?
Husband: I'd ask, "And who was your crack dealer? Snoop Dogg?"
Me: Honey, what would you do if I said Fabio was my ex-boyfriend?
Husband: I'd ask, "And who was your crack dealer? Snoop Dogg?"
March 05, 2004
Tammy Faye Never Has This Problem
Anyone ever used Mary Kay mascara? If so, did it make your eyelashes fall out?
I just switched because one of my coworkers sells MK on the side and it just seemed easier than driving 30 miles to a drugstore. Now I have spontaneous eyelash rejection. I'm not saying its the mascara for sure, but I wonder if the evil scientists at MK labs somehow meshed in lemming DNA with their mascara formula so that you'd invest heavily into their false eyelashes.
Its a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!
I just switched because one of my coworkers sells MK on the side and it just seemed easier than driving 30 miles to a drugstore. Now I have spontaneous eyelash rejection. I'm not saying its the mascara for sure, but I wonder if the evil scientists at MK labs somehow meshed in lemming DNA with their mascara formula so that you'd invest heavily into their false eyelashes.
Its a conspiracy, I tell you! A conspiracy!
March 04, 2004
Wow
I had a therapeutic massage today. It was...really something. I always carry stress in my shoulders, particularly right between my shoulder blades. What with one thing and another, I was really tense and was actually to the point of losing some motion. Yeah, I'm like that.
I have to say, I am so impressed with this massage therapist. She's not the type of person you'd go to for a nice, relaxing session. In fact, when I called to make my appointment I envisioned this six foot tall Swede with a crew-cut because her voice was all cigarettes-and-whiskey. I got to the salon and here's this little bitty old granny waiting for me. Still, I wouldn't mess with her, based on the reefing and cracking she gave me. Holy cow.
The good news is: I think I'm healed! For now.
I have to say, I am so impressed with this massage therapist. She's not the type of person you'd go to for a nice, relaxing session. In fact, when I called to make my appointment I envisioned this six foot tall Swede with a crew-cut because her voice was all cigarettes-and-whiskey. I got to the salon and here's this little bitty old granny waiting for me. Still, I wouldn't mess with her, based on the reefing and cracking she gave me. Holy cow.
The good news is: I think I'm healed! For now.
What Kind of World?
An excerpt from an article via Reuters:
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - With the nomination in hand, Democrat John Kerry will focus over the next two months on finding enough cash to compete with President Bush's fund-raising machine -- although he will have plenty of help from Democratic and outside groups.
Kerry opens the general election campaign with the biggest financial disadvantatage in political history, a $100 million gap fed by Bush's record-smashing fund raising and his move to decline public funds and their accompanying spending limits.
So the newly minted Democratic nominee is launching a drive for cash, reaching out to financial supporters of his former rivals and embarking at the end of the month on a 20-city fund-raising tour of hot spots like New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Miami, Atlanta and Chicago.
Kerry will be aided by the Democratic National Committee, which has $17 million to spend for him and an ambitious fund-raising plan, and a variety of independent groups dedicated to airing ads through the summer to help him counter an expected advertising onslaught from Bush.
The Massachusetts senator needs all the help he can get. At the end of January he had $2.1 million in the bank with debts of $7.2 million. Bush's campaign had $104 million in the bank with negligible debt and the likelihood of millions more rolling in by August.
Now, I'm definitely in the ABB (Anybody But Bush) camp. I'm not knocking John Kerry. However, I have a *massive* problem with campaign spending. Bush has over $100 million to spend, Kerry is estimated to end up with somewhere around $40 million. My question is this: how the hell many hungry people could be fed with that kind of money? I'd like to see a system wherein the "best man for the job" wins the race, not he who has the most fundage. What better things would you do with the campaign money?
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - With the nomination in hand, Democrat John Kerry will focus over the next two months on finding enough cash to compete with President Bush's fund-raising machine -- although he will have plenty of help from Democratic and outside groups.
Kerry opens the general election campaign with the biggest financial disadvantatage in political history, a $100 million gap fed by Bush's record-smashing fund raising and his move to decline public funds and their accompanying spending limits.
So the newly minted Democratic nominee is launching a drive for cash, reaching out to financial supporters of his former rivals and embarking at the end of the month on a 20-city fund-raising tour of hot spots like New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Miami, Atlanta and Chicago.
Kerry will be aided by the Democratic National Committee, which has $17 million to spend for him and an ambitious fund-raising plan, and a variety of independent groups dedicated to airing ads through the summer to help him counter an expected advertising onslaught from Bush.
The Massachusetts senator needs all the help he can get. At the end of January he had $2.1 million in the bank with debts of $7.2 million. Bush's campaign had $104 million in the bank with negligible debt and the likelihood of millions more rolling in by August.
Now, I'm definitely in the ABB (Anybody But Bush) camp. I'm not knocking John Kerry. However, I have a *massive* problem with campaign spending. Bush has over $100 million to spend, Kerry is estimated to end up with somewhere around $40 million. My question is this: how the hell many hungry people could be fed with that kind of money? I'd like to see a system wherein the "best man for the job" wins the race, not he who has the most fundage. What better things would you do with the campaign money?
March 03, 2004
Classmates, Part II
Cul is right about not bothering with Classmates.com. I know this. There is literally one person from my graduating high school class that I speak to on what could even remotely be considered a regular basis. I went to a very small school and graduated with 23 people (25 if you count the fetuses). Once I left town and figured out who I was, I pretty much dropped contact with everyone but that one person. I realized that I had for years only been friends with most of those people because I thought I had to be. Its a small town--you know everyone and are therefore friends, right? Wrong. Looking back, I didn't have much in common with any of them, and I can't imagine why I'd have any more in common with them 12 years after graduation.
So...the hell with it!
So...the hell with it!
That Ain't Right
After my very lazy and food-filled holiday season I started working out. For the last two months I've probably worked out between four and six times every week. It could be snowshoeing one day, yoga the next, the video workout with the other ladies in town, whatever. I've also been pretty good about cutting some calories. So am I losing weight? Not that you can tell. Yes, my butt is up where it belongs, instead of down around my knees. But the pisser is that my thighs are getting bigger! I'm getting enough muscle in them now that my pants are tight again. This is just wrong. Wrong!
Maybe I'll start to look like the bikini lady in OutKast's video for "I Like the Way You Move" (though I don't think the big boobs and markedly darker skin tone are in the cards). But that'd be all right, especially with my husband.
Maybe I'll start to look like the bikini lady in OutKast's video for "I Like the Way You Move" (though I don't think the big boobs and markedly darker skin tone are in the cards). But that'd be all right, especially with my husband.
March 02, 2004
Calmer Now
I was reminded last night of why I told one of the H&W social workers that I was the business person in our marriage, and that my husband was the emotional support. It took him a little while, but he got me calmed down and provided some practical solutions as to how we can do our fostering orientation. His hunter's education class will be finished by then, and he was able to convince me that we'd be able to get the class done before we both got really busy with work.
Whew. I'm definitely thinking I married the right man.
Whew. I'm definitely thinking I married the right man.
March 01, 2004
Shout Out
I just want to let you all know that I'm really having fun meeting all you new people. I'd like to take a moment and say hello to the "other" Casey, to Cul, to Cupie, and to Mr. & Mrs. Binary Bliss. Its good to know you!
Any of you who are out there lurking, post a comment so that I can get to know you. :-)
Any of you who are out there lurking, post a comment so that I can get to know you. :-)
Soup of Despair
I think I have fallen into the giant soup bowl of despair. To recap our last two months, my husband and I completed both our fostering and adoption packets, turned them in to Health & Welfare, have passed our background checks, have retrofitted our house to accomodate wee people, and have mailed in our check to pay for the home study. We were pretty sure there were just two smallish steps to finish before we were on the list for placements. The good news is that there are still only two steps; the bad news is that instead of a three-hour orientation session we were told we have to attend, the actual orientation session is now 27 hours long. Thanks to new H&W rules (and I'm not saying this is a bad rule, but it totally sucks that we didn't find out until now), applicants have to attend three day-and-a-half sessions in Boise before they can become licensed for foster care. In case any of you missed it, we live 85 miles from Boise. The trainings take place on Friday evenings and all day Saturdays for three weekends in a row. This requires three overnight stays in hotels. The next session starts April 30 and finishes May 15. I start working Saturdays on May 15 and I don't finish until around the first of November. My husband is a game warden, and he has a hunter's education class to teach in late April.
I just don't know what to do. Not only do things not look good for attending the next class, things *really* do not look good for attending any classes after that, at least until December. I don't understand why this has become so difficult all of a sudden. Yes, you definitely want to go into foster parenting as aware and as trained as you can. But I can't help thinking what sh*thouse luck it is that we are among the first applicants who fell under the new rule requiring an additional 24 hours of training. My husband and I are trying to do something good. We're trying to make the world a better place for children in trouble. I feel like the whole thing is so unfair--we can't have children of our own, and yet look at what hoops we have to jump through in order to take care of the children that any idiot can (and did) have.
I just don't know what to do. Not only do things not look good for attending the next class, things *really* do not look good for attending any classes after that, at least until December. I don't understand why this has become so difficult all of a sudden. Yes, you definitely want to go into foster parenting as aware and as trained as you can. But I can't help thinking what sh*thouse luck it is that we are among the first applicants who fell under the new rule requiring an additional 24 hours of training. My husband and I are trying to do something good. We're trying to make the world a better place for children in trouble. I feel like the whole thing is so unfair--we can't have children of our own, and yet look at what hoops we have to jump through in order to take care of the children that any idiot can (and did) have.
February 29, 2004
Oh, My Aching Loins
I decided to procrastinate a little longer on the housework yesterday and I popped in "Lower Body Yoga" from Gaiam. Yowie. I actually had wobbly legs immediately afterwards, and now I'm really rather sore. We went snowshoeing for a while this afternoon, and I'm hoping that it will help work the kinks out. If only I could be regular about the yoga videos--I think I'd be a work of art by summer.
February 28, 2004
I'm Feeling the Love
I just got drunk-dialed by Erica and our friend Jona. They are at a "Bockfest" in Madison, WI and are apparantly swilling beer and waiting for someone to throw fish with prizes inside them. As Erica and I agreed, this is the sort of thing that would only happen in a cold climate. People who live in the northlands, whether it be Wisconsin, Minnesota or Idaho, tend to be willing to do pretty much any damn thing to get out of the house by February. Why not go out and drink beer and wait for someone to pelt you with smelt?
Spewing it Forward
So are you against amending the Constitution of the United States of America in order to discriminate against an entire group of individuals? Me too. However, Cupie is right: thinking its wrong is not going to be enough to stop it. As Americans, we have not only the right, but the obligation to take action. Please follow this link to Margaret Cho's action page. It provides numerous easy ways for you to connect with your elected officials and let them know that you don't support a Constitutional amendment, and won't support any elected officials who do. After you've done that, please "Spew It Forward."
February 27, 2004
I Haven't Got Time for the Pain
I started getting a headache this afternoon. This is not that unusual, except this time it started in my damn eye. After about an hour it felt like someone was trying to gouge out my eyeball with their thumb. Two ibuprofen later and things are a bit better, but jeez...
For lack of anything better, would you like to hear a story about my childhood? Of course you would:
I happen to be the daughter of one of the cheapest men on the entire planet. When my little brother and I were growing up, we lived about 55 miles from the nearest urban center, Boise. My dad had to go to Boise fairly often for business, but since Justin and I were in school at the time, we couldn't exactly tag along when we needed new school clothes and the like. So my dad used to have us stand on empty brown-paper bags, and he'd trace our bare feet on the bag with a pen. Then he'd mosey on down to KMart and compare the little foot on the bag with the shoes on the rack. This is how I ended up wearing MacGregor rubber-soled golf shoes to school for two years in a row. He found them on clearance and thought, "Hey, I'll just get my 10 year-old daughter [who was already having issues enough at the time because my rather full lips had earned me the nickname Moose Lips] two pairs of these nifty golf shoes and then she can wear them next year!" Someday when I have online storage space of my own, I will scan one of my class pictures in and post it so that you can all get a good look at Moose Lips the Caddy Girl.
Thanks for the scars, Daddio.
For lack of anything better, would you like to hear a story about my childhood? Of course you would:
I happen to be the daughter of one of the cheapest men on the entire planet. When my little brother and I were growing up, we lived about 55 miles from the nearest urban center, Boise. My dad had to go to Boise fairly often for business, but since Justin and I were in school at the time, we couldn't exactly tag along when we needed new school clothes and the like. So my dad used to have us stand on empty brown-paper bags, and he'd trace our bare feet on the bag with a pen. Then he'd mosey on down to KMart and compare the little foot on the bag with the shoes on the rack. This is how I ended up wearing MacGregor rubber-soled golf shoes to school for two years in a row. He found them on clearance and thought, "Hey, I'll just get my 10 year-old daughter [who was already having issues enough at the time because my rather full lips had earned me the nickname Moose Lips] two pairs of these nifty golf shoes and then she can wear them next year!" Someday when I have online storage space of my own, I will scan one of my class pictures in and post it so that you can all get a good look at Moose Lips the Caddy Girl.
Thanks for the scars, Daddio.
Classmates
So I was making my thrice-annual piddle through Classmates.com today and found a few people I'd like to get in touch with. But even though its been a good 12 years since I've seen most of these people, I'm not sure they're worth the $39 investment to sign up and get their e-mail addresses. Any suggestions? I tried a Google search of the names and didn't get anything tangible.
February 26, 2004
Warm Fuzzies
So maybe my faith in humanity is on its way to being restored. Today I got a thank-you e-greeting from an address I didn't recognize. For a minute I was sure that I was going to release the MyDoom virus on my entire computer system, but I went ahead and clicked the link to the card. It was a thank-you note from a couple who received flowers via the DarrenBarefoot drive to provide flowers for gay couples marrying in San Francisco. The note said how special it was for this couple to receive the support from a myriad of people around the country and how it made them so happy.
(Happy sigh...) I'd like everyone out there to know how proud I am, not only of the people who are so brave to be gay and to be married, but of the mayor of San Francisco for allowing this to happen. We don't know what the next few weeks/months/years hold for gays and their civil liberties, but this is the first time I've felt truly proud to be American for at least...3 years and 3 months.
To everyone out there, be proud of who you are, and be yourself. Its never a sin to love.
(Happy sigh...) I'd like everyone out there to know how proud I am, not only of the people who are so brave to be gay and to be married, but of the mayor of San Francisco for allowing this to happen. We don't know what the next few weeks/months/years hold for gays and their civil liberties, but this is the first time I've felt truly proud to be American for at least...3 years and 3 months.
To everyone out there, be proud of who you are, and be yourself. Its never a sin to love.
Workin' Up a Sweat
I need to be at my exercise class in about five minutes. Okay, its really not an exercise class--we're just a bunch of women watching an exercise video and bullsh*tting. Yesterday we decided that the best way to get rid of Mormons at your door is to say, "I don't think God will forgive me for running over that missionary on my way to the abortion clinic."
Feel free to use that.
Feel free to use that.
Meet My New Friend
Hello, gentle readers. Allow me to introduce you to my new friend, Cul. He and I see eye-to-eye on quite a number of things, and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better. Saunter on over and take a look at what he's got to say.
February 25, 2004
What is the Matter With This World?
http://www.nwae.org/c5321.html
Things like this just tear my heart out. This is one of the prettiest babies I've seen in a long time, and thanks to shaken baby syndrome, she's basically a vegetable. My husband and I want an infant so much. We don't care what gender or race a child is. We just want a little one to hold and take care of. And here's this little girl; beautiful, with a future ahead of her. Now her whole life has been robbed from her because some "care-giver" couldn't be patient. We would have taken her in a minute. We'd have given her love, a home, enough food, nice clothes, and everything she needed. She could have grown up to be a doctor, an activist, a mother. But she won't.
I hope that there is a level of hell appropriate to the punishment of the person who shook her.
Things like this just tear my heart out. This is one of the prettiest babies I've seen in a long time, and thanks to shaken baby syndrome, she's basically a vegetable. My husband and I want an infant so much. We don't care what gender or race a child is. We just want a little one to hold and take care of. And here's this little girl; beautiful, with a future ahead of her. Now her whole life has been robbed from her because some "care-giver" couldn't be patient. We would have taken her in a minute. We'd have given her love, a home, enough food, nice clothes, and everything she needed. She could have grown up to be a doctor, an activist, a mother. But she won't.
I hope that there is a level of hell appropriate to the punishment of the person who shook her.
More Snow
Holy sh*t. I just looked out the window and it looks like an entire Tyson Foods poultry barn exploded outside. There are so many flakes of white in the air that I can't even see across the street. This is not
good timing. We just started seeing a few patches of bare ground on the valley floor. This is clearly going to set back spring by another week
good timing. We just started seeing a few patches of bare ground on the valley floor. This is clearly going to set back spring by another week
Smells Like Italian
I went out to dinner last night with my friend, Michelle. (Hi!) We went to Gourmet Night, which is held at Flying Pie pizza in Boise. Michelle won a year's worth of free Gourmet Night, and has been trying to get me to come to Boise on a Tuesday so that we could go together. How did she win, you ask? Well, she wrote a haiku for Flying Pie's 25th anniversary. I don't have Michelle's permission, but I think she won't mind. She wrote the winning haiku on a napkin for me last night, so I decided I'd post it. I'm sure you'll all agree that she deserved to win.
Haiku on a Sad Happening
My Flying Pie slice
Face down on the parking lot.
No five second rule.
It was based on a true story, by the way. Anyway, we had lots of fun and this morning my husband told me that I reek of garlic. I hope a long shower and two rinses with mouthwash and three minutes worth of tooth-brushing will take care of that...
Haiku on a Sad Happening
My Flying Pie slice
Face down on the parking lot.
No five second rule.
It was based on a true story, by the way. Anyway, we had lots of fun and this morning my husband told me that I reek of garlic. I hope a long shower and two rinses with mouthwash and three minutes worth of tooth-brushing will take care of that...
February 24, 2004
Dumb Sumbitch
You know what I really hate? I really hate it when people who a) don't know how to drive in snow, and/or b) don't have an adequate vehicle or tires, and/or c) don't have the cojones to be driving in poor weather conditions get behind the wheel and make my life a living hell. I was coming home from Boise tonight and got stuck in the river canyon following a dumbass who thought driving a U-Haul van with a trailer attached would be a super-dooper idea. We got two inches of snow today--just enough to make the roads a little slick, plus the guy was clearly driving an unfamiliar road in the dark. I must have followed this ass hat for 20 miles at 25 mph before he finally got the picture and pulled over to let me around. Go ahead, take your time. I think that's dandy. But get the f*ck out of my way!
February 23, 2004
SAG--I'm Satisfied
I am so, so glad Johnny Depp won the Screen Actors Guild Award for Best Actor. I thought he was just amazing in "Pirates of the Carribbean." I've never been a huge fan of his, but I definitely respected the way he played his role in "Benny & Joon." But then...then...he just blew me away in Pirates.
I was also tickled to see that "Return of the King" received the award for Best Acting Ensemble (evidently SAG's answer to Best Picture).
Anyone have Oscar predictions they'd like to share?
I was also tickled to see that "Return of the King" received the award for Best Acting Ensemble (evidently SAG's answer to Best Picture).
Anyone have Oscar predictions they'd like to share?
February 22, 2004
All the Things We Accomplished Today
We're in the process of getting our house ready for our home-study. The date hasn't been set yet, but there were a few things we knew we were going to have to do to make the Health & Welfare folks happy. We got a gun safe and my husband installed it today. All the liquor is out of reach. The household cleaning products are still under the kitchen sink while we debate the merits of cupboard locks vs. moving everything into the laundry cabinets, which are 5 feet off the ground.
We also fixed our satellite dish, which got wonked by the snow sliding off our roof while we were house-sitting. Amazing what a difference a few washers can make, compared with how long it would take Dish Friggin' Network to send their service contractors out. I'm on laundry load #4, the kitchen is spick-and-span, sheets are changed, surfaces are dusted, and I'm feeling whupped. We're off to see "Big Fish" tonight at the local theatre/Catholic church. Yeah, that's an interesting thing about our little town. The Catholics don't have a church here, so while they're building one out on the highway, they meet for Mass in the Roxy movie theatre. So there's an interesting little factoid for you all about my home: Cascade, Idaho.
We also fixed our satellite dish, which got wonked by the snow sliding off our roof while we were house-sitting. Amazing what a difference a few washers can make, compared with how long it would take Dish Friggin' Network to send their service contractors out. I'm on laundry load #4, the kitchen is spick-and-span, sheets are changed, surfaces are dusted, and I'm feeling whupped. We're off to see "Big Fish" tonight at the local theatre/Catholic church. Yeah, that's an interesting thing about our little town. The Catholics don't have a church here, so while they're building one out on the highway, they meet for Mass in the Roxy movie theatre. So there's an interesting little factoid for you all about my home: Cascade, Idaho.
Its Sunday and I'm Not in Church
What a surprise. I haven't been to church services (with the exception of Midnight Mass at my in-laws parish) in...let's see here...eight years. Its still sometimes a surprise for me to realize that its Sunday and I don't have to wake up to go to the meetings. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and had myself kicked out (yes, it was that deliberate) when I was 21. It was the best decision I've ever made, and I never looked back.
February 21, 2004
Hooray for Gay Marriage!
I'm sure most of you know by now that there is an internet movement going to provide flowers for gay couples waiting in line in San Francisco. Darren has raised $4,110 already. This just makes me smile.
February 18, 2004
I'm a Winnah!
My little town has what's called a "Sober Grad" party for its graduating seniors. There are all kinds of benefits and raffles, and the funds generated go into a pot to rent a space, get a DJ, provide prizes, tokens, etc. to graduating seniors. This is in exchange for the kids agreeing to stay sober. From what I understand, the kids basically just pick a different night to get smashed.
Anyway, I recently bought tickets for a raffle held by the local grocery store. Turns out I'm a winnah! I won ten pounds of pork. I'd rather win ten pounds of pork in a raffle than in a beauty contest, I suppose.
Anyway, I recently bought tickets for a raffle held by the local grocery store. Turns out I'm a winnah! I won ten pounds of pork. I'd rather win ten pounds of pork in a raffle than in a beauty contest, I suppose.
Meanwhile, On the Other Side of the Country
San Francisco isn't the only hot-spot in the nation for gay rights. However, where SanFran is enjoying civil disobedience and is (rightly, IMO) giving gays the right to marry, my good buddy GW's brother Jeb is trampling rights in Florida.
ACLU asks court to reconsider support of state's gay adoption ban
Associated Press
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - The American Civil Liberties Union asked a federal appeals court on Wednesday to reconsider its recent ruling upholding a Florida law that excludes gay people from adopting. The 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Atlanta ruled last month against four gay men, who are foster parents seeking to adopt children in their care. They want the court to overturn a 1977 law, passed in the heyday of Anita Bryant's anti-homosexual campaign, that leaves Florida as the only state with a complete ban on adoption by gays.
"For the sake of the thousands of children in Florida in need of a home, we hope the court will reconsider," said Matt Coles, director of the ACLU's New-York based Lesbian and Gay Rights Project. "The Florida law was passed to punish gay people, but the sad, harsh reality is that it harms the 4,800 children who are languishing in Florida's foster care system and waiting to be adopted into permanent, loving homes," said Howard Simon, Executive Director of the ACLU of Florida.
Gov. Jeb Bush said after last month's court decision that it "validates" Florida's conclusion "that it is in the best interest of adoptive children, many of whom come from troubled and unstable backgrounds, to be placed in a home anchored both by a father and a mother." The law has withstood several challenges in state court.
Gay couples in Florida can evidently be foster parents, but are denied the right to adopt children. Explain to me how that makes sense? What kind of idiot governor...oh, wait. Never mind. I can't imagine why a loving adoptive home, regardless of the genders of those who head it, is not better for a child than remaining in foster care.
ACLU asks court to reconsider support of state's gay adoption ban
Associated Press
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - The American Civil Liberties Union asked a federal appeals court on Wednesday to reconsider its recent ruling upholding a Florida law that excludes gay people from adopting. The 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Atlanta ruled last month against four gay men, who are foster parents seeking to adopt children in their care. They want the court to overturn a 1977 law, passed in the heyday of Anita Bryant's anti-homosexual campaign, that leaves Florida as the only state with a complete ban on adoption by gays.
"For the sake of the thousands of children in Florida in need of a home, we hope the court will reconsider," said Matt Coles, director of the ACLU's New-York based Lesbian and Gay Rights Project. "The Florida law was passed to punish gay people, but the sad, harsh reality is that it harms the 4,800 children who are languishing in Florida's foster care system and waiting to be adopted into permanent, loving homes," said Howard Simon, Executive Director of the ACLU of Florida.
Gov. Jeb Bush said after last month's court decision that it "validates" Florida's conclusion "that it is in the best interest of adoptive children, many of whom come from troubled and unstable backgrounds, to be placed in a home anchored both by a father and a mother." The law has withstood several challenges in state court.
Gay couples in Florida can evidently be foster parents, but are denied the right to adopt children. Explain to me how that makes sense? What kind of idiot governor...oh, wait. Never mind. I can't imagine why a loving adoptive home, regardless of the genders of those who head it, is not better for a child than remaining in foster care.
February 16, 2004
Snonads
We took the dogs for a long snowshoeing trip yesterday. It snowed yesterday morning, then warmed up to 40 degrees, so the snow conditions were kind of weird. After the first quarter mile our older dog, Cody, started to develop "dingle-balls" all over his shaggy self. He had snowballs hanging off pretty much every part of his body, but the best ones were located between his hind legs. He had one right in the center that must have been the size of a softball. It got to the point where he couldn't even walk right--he had this Rooster Cogburn/True Grit swagger going on that seemed to say, "Yeah, you can neuter me, but I still got balls."
February 15, 2004
Sob. Whine. Sniffle.
My husband is going down to Boise to a training session for the rest of the week. I'll be left all alone in that big, empty Craft-O-Matic bed with no one but four dogs to keep me company. (Our two, plus the two we're taking care of.) I'll be so alone...alone...alone.
I'm kind of a big sap when it comes to being away from my husband. We're coming up on our two-year anniversary and people tell me the separation anxiety goes away after a while. In the meantime, I'm sure gonna miss him. Waaaaah!
I'm kind of a big sap when it comes to being away from my husband. We're coming up on our two-year anniversary and people tell me the separation anxiety goes away after a while. In the meantime, I'm sure gonna miss him. Waaaaah!
Oh boy. More snow.
Can you sense my intense excitement? We got two inches of snow overnight. I think next year I'll keep a running counter of days with snow here. Bleah.
February 14, 2004
Valentine's Day Letch
Wee Wee Wee, All the Way Home
Like I said, I'm posting from my cold-as-hell house. I had a cup of coffee and a mongo-large orange juice at breakfast and now I have to pee. I'm scared to, because I'm afraid my ass will actually freeze to the toilet seat. Too bad I don't have wireless access--I could e-mail for help.
We actually lived in a house where the water in the toilet bowl froze over. If I'd had really tiny feet, I could've gone ice skating in little bitty circles. Thank God we've upgraded. Now there's just random ice floes.
We actually lived in a house where the water in the toilet bowl froze over. If I'd had really tiny feet, I could've gone ice skating in little bitty circles. Thank God we've upgraded. Now there's just random ice floes.
I Hate Feeling Retarded
I want a fancy blog. I want beautiful skins. I want an Amazon Wishlist. I don't know how to do any of that, and I hate reading directions. I have three options:
1) Learn to read directions,
2) Get over it and lump along with a frumpy blog, or
3) Pony up the cash to getMel to design some stuff for me. (See? I'm an idiot. I can't even make that look the way I want it to.)
I think the answer is obvious, but am I ready for it?
1) Learn to read directions,
2) Get over it and lump along with a frumpy blog, or
3) Pony up the cash to get
I think the answer is obvious, but am I ready for it?
Reality is Sinking In
My husband and I turned in our application to become foster & adoptive parents in the state of Idaho this week. Its a little unnerving. We've been talking about it for months and now that we're finally on the road to achieving our goal, I'm a bit surprised by the weight of reality. We're being really selective as to what situations we want to be in. Our biggest goal is to find a couple of young children that we can adopt, and the best way to do that is by becoming foster parents. Ideally we'd like an infant, but realistically there are very few of them available. Most of the kids who are available are older or have special needs. Since we both work, a child in our care would have to go to daycare at least 4 days a week. I don't know that that is the best situation for a child with special needs (i.e., handicaps), plus I personally just do not know that I am ready for that emotionally.
So the next step for us is getting our home-study done, which should happen in a month or so. After that is completed and our background checks come back, we'll be on the list. I guess we should start receiving foster placements pretty quickly afterwards. Yikes. I know its a good thing, and I know its going to be very rewarding. But...yikes.
So the next step for us is getting our home-study done, which should happen in a month or so. After that is completed and our background checks come back, we'll be on the list. I guess we should start receiving foster placements pretty quickly afterwards. Yikes. I know its a good thing, and I know its going to be very rewarding. But...yikes.
House-Sitting and the Lack of Recent Updates
My husband and I have been house-sitting for friends of ours since Wednesday. The owner of this house is some kind of high-security-clearance guy with the Pentagon, so I'm sort of afraid to ask permission to use their computer. I don't want to accidentally hack into an internal site and fire a missile or something.
Anyway, its a nice house. Its great to be in someone else's home during the winter because then we can turn the heat up as high as we want and don't have to worry about taking a second mortgage to pay the power bill. I think this may be the only time I am truly warm during the winter. I'm posting from my house and its 55 degrees in here, but there's no sense in turning the heat on when we're not even here. My one complaint is their stupid damn Craft-O-Matic adjustable bed. Its basically two twin-sized mattresses put together. They have to be separate because one old fogey has to be able to raise the head or feet of the bed without disturbing the other old fogey who may be sleeping normally. (You've all seen the commercials--I don't have to explain it.) Anyway, between the two mattresses is what my husband and I refer to as The Chasm of Doom. The C of D completely rules out any kind of snuggling. And getting cozy on a twin mattress has its inherent risks as I'm sure you can well imagine.
Oh well, at least I'm warm.
Anyway, its a nice house. Its great to be in someone else's home during the winter because then we can turn the heat up as high as we want and don't have to worry about taking a second mortgage to pay the power bill. I think this may be the only time I am truly warm during the winter. I'm posting from my house and its 55 degrees in here, but there's no sense in turning the heat on when we're not even here. My one complaint is their stupid damn Craft-O-Matic adjustable bed. Its basically two twin-sized mattresses put together. They have to be separate because one old fogey has to be able to raise the head or feet of the bed without disturbing the other old fogey who may be sleeping normally. (You've all seen the commercials--I don't have to explain it.) Anyway, between the two mattresses is what my husband and I refer to as The Chasm of Doom. The C of D completely rules out any kind of snuggling. And getting cozy on a twin mattress has its inherent risks as I'm sure you can well imagine.
Oh well, at least I'm warm.
February 10, 2004
Exploding Deer?
I can't believe it. My husband was given a two-hour training course today about being alert for Weapons of Mass Destruction. We live in Idaho. We live in rural Idaho. He's a wildlife law enforcement officer. I seriously doubt there are any terrorists out there trying to rassle down a moose to stick explosives in any of its various orifii. We may be taking Homeland Security just a wee smidge too far.
But Its Cute When Men Wear Skirts!
I spent what I have to admit was a substantial amount of time today looking for a picture of Sting at the Grammys. I didn't watch them, but heard on the radio that he made the shocking gaffe of wearing a skirt. Now a) Sting can do no wrong whatsoever in my book; and b) men in skirts are sexy. If they weren't sexy, Mel Gibson woulda worn a whole 'nother outfit in "Braveheart," and you can take that to the bank. Not only do you get to speculate as to whether a man in a skirt is wearing underwear, but you get to entertain notions about the really attractive ones being able to get to their wedding tackle in a hurry.
So I finally found some pictures at Grammy.com and I don't know what the flap is about. I liked his outfit, though I might have picked other shoes. But I'd give him a B+.
Opinions on men in kilts, sarongs, other forms of ventilated fabric wrapping? Go ahead and comment.
So I finally found some pictures at Grammy.com and I don't know what the flap is about. I liked his outfit, though I might have picked other shoes. But I'd give him a B+.
Opinions on men in kilts, sarongs, other forms of ventilated fabric wrapping? Go ahead and comment.
February 08, 2004
I Crack Me Up
I pulled my car out of the garage the other day and a chunk of ice fell out of my wheel-well. It was all black and nasty with road spray. I didn't think much of it and headed off to work.
I came home that afternoon and my husband said that our youngest dog, Grover, had quite the experience with the ice chunk. Grover walked out into the driveway and saw this chunk of ice sitting there. He had no idea what he was looking at, so he hunkered way down with the hackles on the back of his neck up, growling at this black chunk of ice.
I told my husband that I thought Grover did that because the ice was black.
My husband asked why.
I said, "Glacial profiling."
(ka-boom ching)
I came home that afternoon and my husband said that our youngest dog, Grover, had quite the experience with the ice chunk. Grover walked out into the driveway and saw this chunk of ice sitting there. He had no idea what he was looking at, so he hunkered way down with the hackles on the back of his neck up, growling at this black chunk of ice.
I told my husband that I thought Grover did that because the ice was black.
My husband asked why.
I said, "Glacial profiling."
(ka-boom ching)
February 07, 2004
Stupid Winter...
The area I live in typically goes through at least five months of winter every year. Not being a real winter person, this gets to me by about...oh, the middle of December. We're at about month three now. Bleah.
I was debating driving 80 miles to go to Boise and indulge in retail therapy, but it snowed again last night and now the roads are going to be "schlock," as my husband just said. Add to the fact that we're right on the route to Winter Friggin' Carnival in McCall, which draws roughly 50,000 people out of the Boise valley to come look at melty snow-sculptures. Then everyone bitches about how the sculptures were all melty and they drive home.
Its not fun to compete in that kind of traffic, especially with snow on the road. Many of these tourist-types believe that four-wheel drive is all you need if you want to drive 70 mph down a snow-laden canyon. I laugh at the ones that pass me and end up in the ditch. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as I would like, so I try to hasten their misfortune by placing voodoo curses on them as they fly past me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Its hard to ensure voodoo success if you're not really in a good position to sacrifice a live chicken.
I was debating driving 80 miles to go to Boise and indulge in retail therapy, but it snowed again last night and now the roads are going to be "schlock," as my husband just said. Add to the fact that we're right on the route to Winter Friggin' Carnival in McCall, which draws roughly 50,000 people out of the Boise valley to come look at melty snow-sculptures. Then everyone bitches about how the sculptures were all melty and they drive home.
Its not fun to compete in that kind of traffic, especially with snow on the road. Many of these tourist-types believe that four-wheel drive is all you need if you want to drive 70 mph down a snow-laden canyon. I laugh at the ones that pass me and end up in the ditch. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as often as I would like, so I try to hasten their misfortune by placing voodoo curses on them as they fly past me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Its hard to ensure voodoo success if you're not really in a good position to sacrifice a live chicken.
February 05, 2004
I Hereby Declare This "Dingo Day"
Why Dingo Day? Because its my blog and I said so. Nyeah. The following was culled from an animal attack website. I can't tell what year it happened. Do you think Super Dingos wear capes?
Tourists to blame for "super" dingoes in boy's killing
SYDNEY, May 1 (AFP) -
Dingoes which killed a nine-year-old boy on a remote Australian island were part of what a wildlife expert on Tuesday called a "super" pack of wild dogs.
Wildlife Preservation Society president Jan Oliver said constant feeding by tourists on Fraser Island off the Queensland coast had created packs of strong male dogs which normally would perish on being banished by dominant females in the wild.
"Because of the conditions on Fraser they have become super packs," she said.
"The human influence on Fraser Island's dingoes has created a very different environment and different breeding pattern for dingoes so that we now get bigger packs.
"More of the younger males are surviving and the alpha female which is the dominant dog is now less in control and more of the younger males and females are living because of extra food supply.
"Before, some of those young pups would've been killed by their mothers to control the pack size but more younger males are hanging around."
Twenty people have been attacked in the past six years on Fraser Island.
The father of the nine-year-old boy killed by dingoes was forced to save his other son from attack, it was revealed.
Ross Gage stumbled across the body of nine-year-old Clinton after his son's friend ran for help when the two boys were attacked by a pair of wild dogs on the beach.
Gage ran to try to rescue his son, followed by his seven-year-old son Dylan.
Gage's father, John Gage, said Dylan was then attacked while Gage stood over his other's son mauled body.
Copyright © The Age Company Ltd 2001.
Well, that's enough of that. We want Dingo Day to be a cheerful event! Have you hugged a dingo today?
Tourists to blame for "super" dingoes in boy's killing
SYDNEY, May 1 (AFP) -
Dingoes which killed a nine-year-old boy on a remote Australian island were part of what a wildlife expert on Tuesday called a "super" pack of wild dogs.
Wildlife Preservation Society president Jan Oliver said constant feeding by tourists on Fraser Island off the Queensland coast had created packs of strong male dogs which normally would perish on being banished by dominant females in the wild.
"Because of the conditions on Fraser they have become super packs," she said.
"The human influence on Fraser Island's dingoes has created a very different environment and different breeding pattern for dingoes so that we now get bigger packs.
"More of the younger males are surviving and the alpha female which is the dominant dog is now less in control and more of the younger males and females are living because of extra food supply.
"Before, some of those young pups would've been killed by their mothers to control the pack size but more younger males are hanging around."
Twenty people have been attacked in the past six years on Fraser Island.
The father of the nine-year-old boy killed by dingoes was forced to save his other son from attack, it was revealed.
Ross Gage stumbled across the body of nine-year-old Clinton after his son's friend ran for help when the two boys were attacked by a pair of wild dogs on the beach.
Gage ran to try to rescue his son, followed by his seven-year-old son Dylan.
Gage's father, John Gage, said Dylan was then attacked while Gage stood over his other's son mauled body.
Copyright © The Age Company Ltd 2001.
Well, that's enough of that. We want Dingo Day to be a cheerful event! Have you hugged a dingo today?
Speaking of Dingos
Isn't "dingo" just the funniest word ever? Does anyone remember hearing "The Adventures of Dingo Boy" that was on certain radio programs a few years back? It had a great jingle:
Dingos taught him hunting
And dingos taught him pride,
Dingos made his diapers
Out of gopher hide.
Run, run, Dingo Boy!
Run, run, Dingo Boy!
It was great: he was kidnapped as a baby and raised by dingos and he grew up to search everywhere for his parents. He'd find bad guys and would generally end up humping their legs. My brother Jason would remember this. We used to meet in his office (which cannot be identified!) every Friday to listen to Dingo Boy's wacky hi-jinks.
Dingos taught him hunting
And dingos taught him pride,
Dingos made his diapers
Out of gopher hide.
Run, run, Dingo Boy!
Run, run, Dingo Boy!
It was great: he was kidnapped as a baby and raised by dingos and he grew up to search everywhere for his parents. He'd find bad guys and would generally end up humping their legs. My brother Jason would remember this. We used to meet in his office (which cannot be identified!) every Friday to listen to Dingo Boy's wacky hi-jinks.
February 04, 2004
February 03, 2004
(Diaper) Pins and Needles
Dooce (aka Heather) went into the hospital yesterday to have her baby. I realize its not realistic for me to expect that she's just going to up and post a few hours after (as Bill Cosby says) shoving something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon. But I just know her delivery post is going to be so good...
For more info, see the links section.
For more info, see the links section.
Three Texas Surgeons
Courtesy of my brother-in-law, Tim. ("Some call me...Tim.)
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the
horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Today he's President of the United States!"
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the
horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Today he's President of the United States!"
Ah, the Backwoods...What's My Dog Eating?
I just got back from taking the dogs for a snowshoe trip behind the house. There is a big network of trails there, mostly used by my husband and I, but occasionally used by snowmobilers. I cut a set of snowmobile tracks after the first half mile and was following them when Cody (the older dog) stuck his head in the snow and started chomping on something. I grabbed him by the collar, because it sort of looked like a thrown away piece of fried chicken. That's possible--someone could have been eating a snack while out snowmobiling, but then he spit it out and I realized what it was.
Next time use the toilet in your house, motherf*cker.
Next time use the toilet in your house, motherf*cker.
Someone Mailed Me a Man!
I was pulling the mail out of our post office box this evening, and I bent down to peer inside to make sure I wasn't missing anything. Much to my surprise, there were eyes looking back at me! I was drawing in a breath to holler, when I recognized the postmaster. Its a good thing neither of us actually had a coronary, he from laughing, me from the shock, because he was locked in behind the little boxes and I was locked out.
What a nut. But then, that's life in a small town. You have to get your kicks where you can find them. I told him he'd better have return postage on him because I couldn't keep him.
What a nut. But then, that's life in a small town. You have to get your kicks where you can find them. I told him he'd better have return postage on him because I couldn't keep him.
February 02, 2004
Blast From the Past
Below is an excerpt from a high school graduation card that I received from my beloved Aunt Sandy. This would have been almost 12 years ago:
Dearest Casey,
I can't believe you're graduating from high school, it seems only yesterday you wouldn't let me put the cows in the car because, as you said, "They will shit in the backseat."
I'd like to acknowledge my father's role in the creation of that particular statement.
Dearest Casey,
I can't believe you're graduating from high school, it seems only yesterday you wouldn't let me put the cows in the car because, as you said, "They will shit in the backseat."
I'd like to acknowledge my father's role in the creation of that particular statement.
February 01, 2004
Turkey in the Oven
We're roasting a turkey for dinner today. I usually buy at least 3 turkeys around Thanksgiving--ah, the joy of having a huge freezer. (Yes, its on the back porch. I do live in Idaho, you know.) So in honor of our turkey dinner, and because my husband has never heard "The Thanksgiving Song" by Adam Sandler, I include the lyrics below for you. Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Go Panthers!
Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and
Turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey
Then I take a nap
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.
White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye
Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants
Are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and
Turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey
Then I take a nap
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.
White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye
Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants
Are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
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